Her Worst Contract (LOA 2 #2)

CHAPTER 31

"Pagod na ako, pagod na pagod na Vlad." nanghihina kong bulong, dahilan upang matigilan si Vlad sa kanyang kinatatayuan.

"Are you joking?" he whispered. Dahil sa sinabi niya mas lalo akong nawala sa aking sarili at pagod na binasag ang vase na nasa harapan ko.

"Pagod na ako, Vlad!!! Pagod na akong gawin ang lahat para sayo pero wala pa 'ring nagbabago, pagod na akong magpakatanga, magpakabulag sa pag-ibig na matagal na akong sinasaktan. I have love you, offer you my life, my soul, my whole career, lahat 'yon binigay ko na sayo Vlad. I have done nothing but dote on you, support you, follow you and fight for you and look what you've done to me!!! I can't even smile at myself; I don't even understand myself anymore!!!"

"Don't do this, Rabbit," mahina nitong sambit at dahan-dahan akong nilapitan, pero pakiramdam ko para akong isang bomba na sasabog sa oras na ako'y kanyang lapitan, kaya hindi ko siya hinayaan.

I step back and speak, "I'm so done with you, pagod na akong ipaglaban ka sa tingin ng ibang tao, pagod na akong ipakita sa kanila na ok ka, na ok ako sayo, kasi mahal kita!! Pagod na ako Vlad!!! Pagod na ako sa pagiging selfish mo, pagod na ako sa palagi na lang Prime, Prime, putang inang pride yan!!! Pagod na ako!!! Sira na ako, I'm so damaged already, I don't understand myself Vlad, I'm not losing you, yes, but I'm losing myself!!! I'm so tired of this fight, I wish I had never met you!!!" pakiramdam ko sobrang blanko na ako, hindi ko na alam ang nararamdaman ko.

I just want to stop all the pain and just take a rest of everything.

"No, let's fix this, you're just mad, I understand you Rabbit, I'm sorry, we can fix this—---," I cut him out and looked straight into his eyes.

"No, this can't be fixed anymore Vlad!!!"

"No, we are not doing this, don't give up on me, because if you do, you don't really love me, Ellouise!" he panicked and didn't even think of the words he was going to say.

My lips parted; I don't really love him? "I don't really love you? Really Vlad? Can't you see this?" I said pointing at myself.

"This is my crazy love for you, fucking mess up love!! This is what love brought, this is what love looks like Vlad, because if this isn't love then what is this?" I saw how his eyes soften as he stared straight into my eyes.

"I'm sorry, I love you Rabbit, we can fix this, I love you," he whispered, trying to reach for my hand. But I pushed him away, "No, you don't, because love means caring about someone beyond all rationality, and wanting them to have all happiness in life, no matter how much it destroys you, that's love, that's what I'm doing, Vlad, and you don't!!!"

My words seemed like a sharp knife that stabbed him, he stopped and I instantly saw the glimpse of pain in his eyes. But, right now I'm too blind to see that pain, dahil ako mismo ay punong-puno na ng sakit sa loob ng aking katawan.

"Please, we can fix this, I just lost control, I'm sorry forgive me please," I was stiffed when Vlad suddenly knelt in front of me and begged for forgiveness, just like a kid disobeying his parents.

Tinanggal ko ang pagkakayakap niya sa aking hita at inayos ang aking sarili, I glance at the wall clock and wipe my dry tears. "Stop this Vlad, I need to go outside," I whisper, "No, let's fix this first love, please, I'm sorry, don't do this to me, please..." Now, he's begging.

I looked at him blankly before I pushed his arms away, turn my back to him. But he stopped me, gripped my hand, and looked me in the eye, "I'm done with this Vlad, let go of me, I need to attend that premiere with Prime."