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Now at this stage of my life when I think about unconditional love, his eyes filled with amiration and proud when he looks at me come back to my mind.
The way he used to feel contented and proud when he used to tell others about me, depicted his never ending care.
He wasn't perfect in showing his care for others but the thing he used to do were enough to show how much he cared for everyone.
He was my grandfather and was more than a father for me. It wasn't his duty to do to everything he did for me. I owe my life to him. I wouldn't be here or even alive he wouldn't have held my hand. From the day of my birth till the day of his death he provided me everything, whether in terms of love of materialistic things.

But you know when someone has been part of your daily life for more than 15 years. Who wakes you up for your morning routine, who's tantrums also felt like a funny comedy , who's laughter seems so satisfying, who's knowledgable words helped you in the hard times, who's endless support kept you going, whose over caring nature sometimes frustates you, who wouldn't take medicine for anyone other than you, who always trusted in you, when one day you see that person taking his last breathe in front of your eyes. When u see his lifeless body laying in front of you and all u can do is stare at him with mere a hope in your heart that maybe this is a dream, maybe he is just asleep, maybe he will wake up suddenly. But those mere thoughts gets burnt when his body is burnt at his funeral.

How hard it becomes to realise that he is no more. I will never see him again in my life time. He will never be there to support me in my tough time. He won't be here to see me achieving the dreams which he saw for me. He won't be here.

Each and everything reminds me of him. From the door to the small pen. I still remember the day after his death when I went to brush my teeth and saw his toothbrush and the reminisce of the day when he asked me to bring his toothbrush with paste to him bcz he couldn't stand due to weakness , came into my mind, and my eyes filled with endless tears.

I still can imagine the voice of his laughter. I still imagine him sitting in the veranda sipping his tea while reading newspaper. All I have now is memories. Nothing but memories.

Uk when he died , the following days after that were so depressing for me. It seemed as if I'm lost. Living seemed ao difficult. The thought that when I'll come home after an exam there will be no one to discuss my paper with me tears me apart.
I used to think why everyone is happy when I'm sad. Why don't they feel my pain?

Today on his birthday all those memories again hit me. It's been 4 years to his death, but still all the memories are fresh in my mind. I still remember how he used to dress up for his birthday. Nani used to make halwa(an indian sweet dish), and after cutting cake we used to eat together. How he used to pretend that he don't like cutting cake and clickging pictures but used to get ready wearing his favourite clothes. And how whenever someone used to wish you happy birthday instead of answering with thank you u used to say happy birthday to the other person.. that was so funny. I always told u that u shld say thank you but u never listened to me.

Nana ji wherever u r now, never think that u r forgotten. Never in my lifetime I can forget the one who gave me life.
Everyone loves you and misses you. U won't believe a lot had happened this past years , a lot. The things which weren't supposed to happen , so much unexpected things that it nearly tore us apart.
But we all are trying to cope up with it...

Miss you...
and HAPPY BIRTHDAY NANA JI

~~TANISHA



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