Scared Angel

16. Soapy water

Penelope's pov:

         I wake up late the next day, Elle slept in her crib soundly after I moved her until around midnight when she woke up crying periodically. She finally stayed asleep after seven am, it's now almost noon so I stretch and yawn waking up fully. After a warm shower I make some small pancakes and cut up some fruit, hoping to get Ellie to eat some today. I called my doctor and phoned in new lactation pills, I have no idea if Ellie even wants to breastfeed from me but I want her to have the option if the situation arises.

         I lift the sleepy girl from her crib getting her changed into a fresh diaper before she's even awake. I coo as her eyes start opening "there's my little angel." She looks up at me but doesn't cry which is a good sign, she does push her head into my chest making me smile. Although it causes Whine's to emit from the small girl when I put her in the high chair but quiets down when I sit in front of her with a plate of pancakes and fruit.

       "Alright babygirl let's try to have some num nums okay?" She looks wearily at me but seems to brighten up a bit when I say 'num num' she doesn't open up immediately but I'm very determined today. "Come on, pea. It's yummy see." I say before making a big show of taking a bite of a pancake "om num num! So yummy" I say extra enthusiastically. She eyes me with a look I can't place, I try the train in the tunnel trick and put the spoon near her lips again expecting another turn. She looks into my eyes before slowly opening her mouth, she didn't open wide enough for the spoon but enough for me to lightly push it into her mouth. Once the strawberry is in her mouth she beings bouncing but stops and looks at me almost as if waiting for me to scold her. "You did so good baby!!" I praise. I give her another bite making her happy dances return, this continues for a little bit. Her bites are small and she barely gets even half of the plate down, but I'm so proud of her anyway.

      I lift her up and get her a chocolate protein shake and pour it into a sippy cup, she happily tries to latch on once we're on the couch. She lets out frustrated grunts as she tries but eventually I just stand and switch it to a bottle which she greedily accepts. At first she seems thrown off by the taste but soon suckles steadily. The rest of the afternoon is spent in front of the tv that's playing Disney junior, Elle even crawls to a few teething toys in her toy chest and chews after wearily looking at me to make sure it was okay. "you like your chew" I coo "ew" she says looking it and nodding. After I share some gold fish with the little one, we go to the pharmacy for my prescription. She only ate a small handful but she's opening up so much more, in the car I play soft tiny tunes. Right now some lullaby is playing, I look back to see Elle Fighting sleep while suckling her paci.  She cried when I first put her in the seat but sleep inevitably took her over, I chuckle as her eyes flutter. Once I retrieve my medicine from the pharmacy drive thou, I take it and head home, to put Eleanor down for a nap in her crib. I take Lars out to play before making some chicken and veggies for lunch.

            I finish lunch when I hear the baby crying. I change her diaper and put cream all over her bum, her rash is still present but much better now. Once she's all clean I sit her in her chair and buckle her up, I try to feed her some chicken but she refused, I tried the veggies and she turns her head up at them as well. When I try another bite of chicken she lets out a scream and slams her hands down on the tray flipping her plate all over herself, I sigh as she starts wailing. I clean her the best I can but know she needs a bath, I get her some cut up fruit and lay some on her tray while I quickly eat my lunch. I put the left overs in the fridge and turn to help Ellies but see she's trying to pick up a cubed pineapple but its sliding all over the tray making her whine profusely. I chuckle before walking to her and feeding her the fruit, she does her little num num dance again; I've missed seeing it so much the last year.

         Once Elle is done with her fruit I decide to give her a bottle after a bath so I lift her up and carry her to her nursery bathroom. She has lots of bath toys Im sure she will enjoy seeing again or for the first time again, I get the tub filled with warm water and put bubbles in it like I used to. She used to love the bubbles, she would pop them individually every time we took a bath together; just infatuated with them. I get her undressed and place her into the tub and help her lean against the bath pillow gently since her ribs are still broken, she looks at me scared but when I pour her many toys into the tub with her she claps and reaches for a duck. Luckily she lets me get her clean with no problem but when I turn to get her hooded towel I turn back to her leaning her face to the soapy water and slurping it up. Luckily its baby soap so its non toxic but I still get startled and rush to her before I scold her lightly "no no baby." I say lifting her from the bath, this made her sob."oh baby mommy is so sorry." I try to comfort her to no avail.

      she screams the whole time I'm getting her diapered, I get her into a shirt before I turn to get changed into some sweats. Ellie is crying the whole time but seems to stop immediately when I take my shirt off, making me turn to look at her. Im taken aback when I see her just staring straight at my breasts, does she remember breastfeeding? I ask myself. When she see's me looking at her she starts whining and reaching for me, I pick her up and lay her on my lap when I sit on the bed. She stares at my nipples for a while before she slowly reaches up and lightly touches my right breast making me shiver. Im worried how she will react since I don't have milk yet, my heart stops when she mummers softly "mama" I gasp and kiss her face over and over making her push me away. "that's right I'm mama" I assure her. When she's back to her previous position she latches onto me sucking vigorously and grunting when nothing flows. She frowns around my nipple and then unlatches two minutes later with the most heart breaking shriek "milkies goed" she sobs making my heart break more, she thinks I got rid of her milk.

        I stand and warm a bottle of formula with protein, once its the appropriate temperature I go back to my bed laying her across my lap once again and try to put the tip of the bottle to her lips causing her to shake her head still crying hard. She latches back onto my me so I begin to try dribbling the milk over my nipple she suckles hard when the milk touches her lip making me think my idea worked but once she has a mouth full she spits it right into my face crying and squirming around having a full meltdown. I sigh starting to get overwhelmed with the baby throwing a fit and ontop of that my chest is sticky from formula as well as my face is covered now too. I rock her until I help her latch back onto my nipple she relaxes and settles for dry nursing before she actually lets me pour more milk over my boob. She only drinks half of the eight ounce bottle but I'm just thankful she drank it, I put her paci in her mouth, before I place her blankie on her eyes like she likes. I quickly stand to wipe my chest and face before throwing a shirt on and cuddling ellie close. Ellie only takes a short nap so we eventually move to the living room and spend the rest of the afternoon playing with Ellies toys.

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                    I feed Ellie soup for dinner which she eats all off, "my good girl eating all her num nums" I praise while cleaning our bowls, she reaches towards me "mo mo" "you want more" I ask making her nod really big. There's my little food lover, I smile to myself as I get her a baby food squeeze not wanting to upset her tummy with too much too soon. I pour her a sippy of apple juice and set it on the high chair tray, Elle mostly plays with the cup while I open her squeeze. I'm feeding Elle her pouch when my phone ring, I see its my boss and answer it, Im asked when i will be returning to work since I've been out for three days now. I decide to take off for a few weeks and explain my situation, my boss wishes me luck before he hangs up. Im happy to spend some time with my baby before I have to worry about work. I wipe Ellies face before we go to my bed, I get us both ready brushing our teeth before getting us comfy in bed. I lay a half asleep Ellie on my chest needing her as close to me as possible, I feel Lars jump onto the bed and I fall asleep with a big smile on my face.