Scared Angel

34. Running away from my fears

That morning Candice wakes me up handing me an outfit to put on. I look around and she had a picnic basket and other things ready for the date she planned. I smile and get up as Ellie comes running to me in a bathing suit. "Nana an Pawpaw come swim" she tells me. "Wow that sounds fun!" I say picking her up and giving her a kiss. I get ready before giving Ellie some milk and then having breakfast with my little family before Amy and Jonas knock on the door. We let them in and give them a spare key before telling Ellie bye. She waves and blows us kisses making me smile happily.
"So where to adventure lady" I ask as we buckle up in the car. She chuckles and says the first stop is a wildlife conservation center. We have a blast seeing all the animals and have some snacks there before she takes me to a state park where we go horseback riding, zip-lining, and hike a trail. My stomach growls and she says it time for the next stop.
We park and head into a botanical garden and she sets up a picnic in the most beautiful area. We have our lunch and some champagne before she looks at me with a smile. "What?" I ask "I'm just so grateful to have you and Ellie in my life, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I wake up with a smile on my face every day knowing you're right there. Ellie is a beautiful little baby and I'm so happy to be her Mimi, I never want to lose either of you. I feel like we're already a family. You are the most gorgeous woman I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, I fell in love with you the moment we met. You love with your whole heart and I get to see it every day just watching you with Ellie. You have the most amazing soul, I want you forever...will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" She asks opening a ring box. I can't even look at it I'm so shocked, I mean yes we're practically already a family but something about this makes it so real.
I don't know what comes over me but I get up and I run, she comes after me but I make it to the bus stop and get on the bus that was seconds from leaving. I sit down and start to hate myself for leaving her like that but I needed to think. I panic as the bus makes a few stops and I notice it's next stop is a shopping center. I didn't mean to get so scared, I love Candice but after she got hurt I've been holding in so many feelings of fear that I'll lose her and this makes it so much more real. But why? We already live together and she's Ellie's Mimi, it's not like I planned for her to ever go anywhere....I groan and get off the bus, I walk into a bar and order my first of many drinks for the night.

Half way through the night I'm a drunk mess, I decide to get up and dance but a woman starts to dance on me which makes my heart drop. I lightly push her off, "I'm taken" i slur out she tries to say she doesn't care but it makes my skin crawl so I run out of the bar. I'm doing a lot of that apparently. I look at my phone and it's almost 1am, I think about Ellie and I start to cry. She must be so upset I wasn't there when she finished swimming, I got Candice went back to the hotel so she at least has her Mimi. I sit at the bus stop and cry waiting for the next bus which isn't for another hour. Finally when I board the bus I notice the closest stop to the hotel is about a mile, i sigh. When I get off I make the walk to the hotel, I finally make it to the room by 3am and walk in using my key. It doesn't work for some reason and it's then I realize I'm at the wrong hotel. How the hell did I do that? I groan and call an Uber to pick me up, it's only a 30 minute ride to the hotel and I think about what I'm going to say. I finally make it to the right hotel and I walk in seeing Candice with a sleeping Ellie in her chest. She gentle moves the baby and walks over to me.

Candice's pov:
      I lay awake worried about Penny with a sleeping Ellie on my chest. She fell asleep finally after tiring herself out from her sobs thinking her mommy was never coming back. I finally hear the door open and I gently move the baby to jump up. "I'm so sorry I proposed" I say before I realize she is plastered. I sigh and grab a bottle of water from the table and hand it to her. I watch her guzzle it down before she looks at me with sad eyes. "I was just scared, it's stupid but after you got shot I've been so scared of losing you and even though there's not much of a difference in our relationship now and I'd we were married it just seemed so much more real and I just panicked that if I lost you, I'd never be able to recover." She rambled. I chuckle, her silly reasoning does make some sense. My job is not an easy one for the people I'm close to. "Baby I understand. This job could take me away from the people that care about me and it isn't fair to you and Ellie or even my parents, but it's what I do and I make a difference in the world. I love you both so much and I just need you to support me" I say making her sigh. "I do and I'm so proud of you everyday, I love you so much it scares me and it's selfish that I ran away because of that." I nod before bringing her in for a hug. "Let's get you to bed, we can talk more about this tomorrow, hm? Ellie will be so excited to know her mama came back" she gives me sad eyes but nods climbing into bed and pulling the baby onto her chest before falling asleep fast.