who am i to you?

4.2

TW: Homophobia. Bullying. Slurs. Violence

***

"So that was your boyfriend."

I was reading my book to memorize the poem when Alhona walked past my desk. She just got here.

I looked at her to make sure I was the one she's talking to. And it's me. Her eyes are on me.

I shook my head at her. "No," I replied even though I'm not really sure on what she's talking about.

"So that famous Santi is gay." David, who arrived with Alhona, said.

I inhaled sharply. "No, he's not," I said in a hard tone.

"Does your boyfriend fuck you from behind like those porn you watch?"

I felt my face heating up. I looked down. "Santi's not my boyfriend."

I can take up all their words but I can't drag Santi into this. He doesn't know a thing. And I feel bad because his image is getting spoiled because of me.

"Deny mo lang, alam naman namin." Moises laughed.

"So pa'no mo nakilala boyfriend mo?" tumawa si David after asking that question, even showing a disgusted expression.

I was planning to just ignore them all day long just like how I usually do. But something didn't go according to plan.

Sister Melissa came to the room, looking for me. She's not there to listen to David but her ears caught it.

"Boyfriend?" She looked at me surprised and eyes questioning. "Vasily?"

And that's how I found myself in the chapel, talking to one of the pastors. They were confirming what they heard. And they were lecturing me about it.

"They're just joking," I explained, acting a soft laugh to add to my lie. "Ganun naman po 'pag friends, 'di ba?"

They were unconvinced  so I told them repeatedly in different words but they gave up. I got some calm lectures from Father Fidel and a pamphlet about how homosexuality is a sin.

But that didn't stop there. As soon as I got back home from school, Mom called me. Sister had told her what happened.

"It was only a joke, Mom," I explained desperately to my mother, convincing her to believe me. "They always make fun of me. I'm not gay." I tried to laugh. "They were just joking around. Sister just heard it and took it seriously."

The line was dead silent. I could practically hear my heart beating in my ears. I'm pacing back and forth in my room. I can't calm down in this situation.