Finding Home || bxb

31

Finally, my birthday.

I was born exactly 18 years ago in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. My mum had been in agony as she desperately tried to introduce me to the world. A small little thing with blonde straight hair right at the beginning of its existence. She held me to her chest wrapped in a blanket, all blood and goop stuck to my face which was getting on her one of her favourite tops. But she didn't care about the mess, and the pain wasn't given a second thought. She could only weep at my weeping. So happy was she that I had breath in my lungs and tiny little fists that had already found its way into her hair where I gripped tightly never wanting to let go.

For years I had always felt like a hollow shell on this day. A being with no soul. A vessel with no life-form.

Those that knew it was my birthday would make things hard. Not out of cruelty but out of ignorance. They would ask me if I was excited or if I had had a good day or what presents I looked forward to, and every good intentioned comment would want to make me hide under my blankets and pretend the duvet was my parent's arms.

Today was different though. Today I felt like there was more life in me. I felt like I may actually be a person. Every breath I took felt meaningful and for the first time in so long I didn't feel so alone.

Roman and Dahlia had come over bright and early. Usually, I liked sleeping in on my birthdays just to get as much of the day over with as I could, but today it felt good getting out of bed at a reasonable time and not well past noon.

Before Roman and Dahlia got here though, Carrie and Mike had made me a large birthday breakfast and they'd given me some gifts, which Charlie and Emily had done as well. There was a bunch of hair products from Charlie, which I was grateful for, despite the fact that he still got pissed at me for spending ages in the bathroom doing my hair. Then, from Emily, she'd given me some makeup, basically new versions of the stuff I always stole from her. Carrie and Mike had bought me small bits and bobs and then given me a birthday card with a bunch of money in which, as grateful as I was, I felt bad for accepting. Cash was not something I needed and the family's company would have been enough to make me happy.

"You're meeting with Allison on Monday, you remember?" Mike asked as we finished breakfast.

"Yeah," I replied. "Might be the last time I see her."

Allison had been my social worker for a few years but now that I was an adult I would be coming out of the system and have to move on from her and that life. I was going to meet with her just to finish up some paperwork and then she was taking me to the lawyers as I would need to collect everything my parents had left for me in the will. It was a whole lot of shit to do, and I felt overwhelmed just thinking about it but that was Monday's problem. Today was my birthday, and for once I wanted to feel happy.

And I was happy when Roman and Dahlia were here. Two of my favourite people. They were adamant about giving me my presents right away, so we hid away in my room where I happily unwrapped all their gifts. I don't remember the last time I got this many gifts on my birthday.

I was well aware I was difficult to buy for, but I loved all the little things they got me. Roman got me some tools for curly hair in colours I liked. He also got me a few history books of stuff I must have mentioned to him like the Spartans who I'd brought up the other day because I was telling him how gay they all were. Dahlia got me a ring with a crystal embedded in it and big oversized hoodie she'd found. I put the hoodie on almost immediately and the soft fabric cocooned me in a blanket of warmth on this chilly morning.

"I love them," I told them both about the presents they'd given me.

Roman gave me a kiss and settled his head in my lap while Dahlia looked up times for the arcade we were going to. There was one a couple towns over which would have been a trek had we had to walk but Sofia had given Roman her car again and we were going to be spending basically all day at the arcade until we went for an early dinner before pre-drinking at Keaton's again with everyone and then clubbing. Safe to say I was excited.