Finding Home || bxb

33 (18+)

The music was deafening but I was too drunk to notice. I had Roman's chest behind me as I leant against him grinding where I could but mostly lazily letting him hold me as we swayed out of rhythm to the fast-paced music. We were surrounded by bodies at every angle. Girls dancing with other girls, guys dancing with other guys, and a few heterosexual couples littered about like Nate and his girlfriend.

It was so exciting when they let us inside and the atmosphere had consumed me. There was a sense of belonging that hit me like a wave when the storms were rough and forced the tides inward. If ever I was unsure of who I was, these were my people, and I knew I had a home among them.

We'd been dancing for like two hours. Roman bought me more drinks that I can remember at this point, but we'd decided no more about an hour ago and let the alcohol that was already in our system carry us forward as the we let the flow of the music guide us into dance against one another.

Roman left me kisses on my neck, brushing the pearl necklace he got me, that I still wore with his nose, and held me close the whole time. He didn't kiss me on the lips much, but I knew he had a sense of self consciousness about that since what happened the last time he went clubbing.

He'd seemed nervous when we were all waiting in the queue, so I held his hand and squeezed tight letting him know I was near. He kissed me only a few times in the toilets when my tiny bladder had demanded I give it release, but other than that, he showed his affection in all his touches with how close he held me to him. It wasn't what my body wanted, but I was satiated with his level of affection and loved being near him. I seemed to panic like I'd lost him forever when his hand wasn't on me in some way. I'd worry I'd lost him in the throng of people and never find him again. But he was always there, his touch always returning, and a kiss always placed at the nape of my neck where my scar didn't already take residence.

My scar, I could think about it less with him. Sometimes there were moments when he was near it and I didn't even notice, until of course I did and a wave of panic set in. But it was like he was testing me, subconsciously or not, I did not know. And every time, I seemed to let him get closer before I noticed he had at all. It felt, in a strange way, liberating to slowly let go of a fear that inhibited a part of my body that actually quite liked to receive intimate touches, the other side of my neck loving any attention Roman ever gave it.

I grinded on Roman every chance I got without it being too much, but I saw many other couples doing a lot more so whenever I let my bum brush against Roman's bulge area, it felt pretty tame in comparison.

I noticed Charlie dancing with Naya and had no idea how that happened and wondered if it was a friendship thing or if maybe he fancied her now. I knew he was still struggling with feelings for his ex but it's not like he'd not been sexual with other girls since they broke up, so I wondered if that's where this was headed. I kind of hoped not just in case it caused a strain on all our friendships, but it was their life and I had to let them be.

Though, thoughts of them were soon brushed away when Roman started pulling me away. I didn't know where to until I saw the bathroom sign that we seemed to be getting closer to. I clung onto Roman's arm never letting him go, lest he be lost in the crowd of people like I kept fearing he would be. I couldn't just let him go like that.

There wasn't much of a queue but all the cubicles were occupied and Roman practically shoved me into one, as soon as someone exited, without a regard for who would have seen us both go in. I didn't even have time to complain because his lips were on me. The taste and smell of alcohol from his mouth intermingling with my own. Not the best taste in the world but it was easy to ignore for my Roman, to have him kiss me at last properly without any of his fears controlling him. I opened my eyes and looked above us just to make sure someone hadn't shoved a camera into our cubicle to take a video. Luckily no one had and the cubicle walls went right down to the floor with barely a gap left uncovered that no one would even be able to fit a phone underneath if they tried.