A light in the darkness

Part 12

"You looked like you were getting into that prayer and worship a little bit" Ethan tells me while hes walking to the cabin after service.

"Uh... I guess." I shrug.

"You seemed pretty in to it in my opinion."

"In your opnion."

"Ya... That is what I said."

"Ya whatever.." I mumble

"Hey whats wrong."

"Nothing."

"Yes something is wrong."

"No there isn't."

"Your upset."

"You dont know everything ethan!" I stomp my foot and cross my arms.

"Hey hey." He stops and turns me towards him. "I dont know what your issue is but Im not going to fight with you over it. So tell me whats wrong. Dont make it more complicated by taking it out on me."

"Nothing."

"Arlie..."

"I just didnt like how I felt in there. " I mumble quietly, almost ashamed on how I acted towards him.

"What?"

"I said I didn't like how I felt in there. It was weird."

"I understand."

"No you don't your save and on fire for jesus and all this stuff and I'm not."

"So do you feel guilty or something by being in there?"

"Kinda.... But I mostly felt overwhelmed..." I admit.

"And thats an okay feeling. I felt the same way when I first started on my walk with God."

"So when does it end? When does that feel normal and not invasive?"

"When you let go and let god take over."

"I just can't do that." I start to cry.

"Why are you crying."

"Cause I feel so conflicted. I don't want to do this but I feel like putty whenever Worship starts."

"So worship is what gets you."

"What do you mean."

"Some people are spoken to towards worship."

"Are you?"

"Thats why I'm a worship leader right?" He smiles.

"Oh ya."

"Look lets get you to your cabin and tomorrow it'll be a new day. Best advice I can give you is just go in to everything with a open mind. And don't shut the message and stuff out. Listen. And learn. Okay?"

"Okay. I'll try." I sigh.

I go to sleep that night conflicted about the busy days event. It was a little to much for me. But I have to try for Ethan. I did promise. Well I didnt exactly 'promise' but... I have to give it a try.... Okay this is difficult... Hm.

The next day I'm woken pretty early by clare. I jump in the warm shower, and I would never get out if It weren't for the fact other people needed to shower and theres only 3 showers in the cabins. I dress in my jeans and my button down flannel.

Breakfast is pretty good. Omlettes and pancakes. Then we have a morning service which is light hearted and kinda funny. Thankfully. I havent seen ethan all morning which is disappointing. But I take the opportunity to ask clare and emily about him when were in the game room later.