Innocent Lust

Alive

When we get home we head straight for our room. We lay down, Sages head on my chest. I kiss him goodnight and tell him I love him for the hundredth time.

We both quickly fall asleep.

***

I wake up in the morning to Sage already up.

"Baylor?" he whispers while staring at the sheet in front of him.

"Yes, King?"

"I love you."

"I love you too," I tell him, "I think we should talk."

He looks at me scared, "Whatever I did I didn't mean to. I will fix it."

"No, Sage! Not like that talk," my eyes widen.

"You scared me," he says.

"I think we should talk about everything. We both are going through a lot. I think if we talk about it, that will help."

"Okay," he says, "Where do you want to start?"

"Let's start with the earliest. I have a question," I bite my nails.

He stays silent waiting for me to ask.

"When I told you how I felt dirty after Christian... you know. You said you understood what I meant. You seemed to have meant it as if..." I trail off.

Sage clears his throat.

"Donatello used to have a wife-"

"You don't have to tell me Sage! Only if your comfortable!" I almost shout at him.

"It's okay, love. I want to tell you. He used to have a wife. When I lived there, he was always working. His wife, Mary, still wanted the sexual attention she wasn't getting from Donatello," I stay silent as he tells me the story. "It started when I was around thirteen. She kept doing it more and more until it was every night. She would threaten to tell Donatello I was forcing her if I said anything. So I didn't say anything.

Night after night I let her do what she wanted. I laid there. Still as possible. My way of coping was by sleeping with as many girls as possible. She died when I was eighteen."

I stay silent a moment, "You said your parents died when you were eighteen? Why were you with Donatello before then?"

"He forced my parents to give me up. Or he would kill me. He wanted a child but Mary was infertile. He used me as his own," he explains.

"I was also raped," I whisper while looking at the sheets.

I don't see his face but I see his fists curl up in the sheets.

"I was twelve. I didn't know what it meant. I didn't know it was sex. I didn't know it was rape. I was so clueless. I can't even explain it to you. I was so weirded out by what that man did. I felt weird. I didn't know and I was so confused. I wondered if it was normal. If it happened to everyone. I wondered if it was like a special tradition of a holiday. I wondered if it was a coming of age thing. I wondered everything. Every possible thing it could have meant. I didn't understand until you started explaining things to me."

We are both silent.

"Who was it?" Sage asks.

I stay silent.

"Baylor Lorenzo. I love you. But if you don't tell I'll start killing every man that ever lays eyes on you."

"My uncle," I whisper still not looking at Sage.

I feel embarrassed almost.

"I'm going to kill him."

"Please do," my voice breaks. A tear slips from my eyes.

I crawl into Sages lap and wrap myself in his arms. I would never wish harm on someone. Ever. Unless they did what he did.

I feel safe. Secure. Loved. Not alone. I feel like as long as I have him by my side I will always have a reason to live. I will always have someone who loves me. Even though terrible things were done to me.

"I love you, Baylor."

"I love you, too, Sage."

With one arm still wrapped around me, Sage reached behind him and into a drawer. He pulls out a small box.

"I got this for you," he tells me.

He loves my hair and clips a necklace into my neck. He runs his finger along my collarbone.

"It's a locket. It has my initial inside of it."

"Thank you," I kiss him.

We sit in silence for a moment.

"We have more to talk about," I say quietly. Breaking the silence.

"Yes, we do."

"Do you want to talk about your parents?"

"I want you to meet them. Not today. I want to make sure they are okay. Make sure they are healthy. Then introduce you. I also want to get to know them better."

"Okay. Is that all?"

He pauses, "I can't believe they are alive."

A tear slips from his eyes and I quickly wipe it away. I kiss his cheek where the tear once was. As if my kiss will fix everything.

"I missed them but I don't know how to feel that they are alive. I barely know them. They barely know me," he keeps talking.

"We can take it day by day with them."

"Baylor?"

"Yes?"

"What about you? How do you feel about everything?"

"I think that I love you, Sage Lorenzo. I think that I alway will. No matter what happens to us, we will get through it together. We can live here while your king or we can live there. I will follow you anywhere," I pause, "I am terrified though. I am terrified that, at any moment you will be taken away from me. I am terrified that I will be left alone. I also miss my parents."

"We can go visit them today. But I am not letting you out of my sight," Sage says firmly.