Always//H.S. (Sequel to Alive)

cry

It's making you cry every time
You give your love to me this way
Saying you'd wait for me to stay
I know it hurts you

H.

(present day...april 7th 2018...8:40 pm)

five days.

it's been five days since i've heard anything from her or her team that didn't have to do with wildflower, and the trip we'd have to take in a month to look at the formula ideas and packaging in italy, where most of the wildflower packaging products are made, besides the mascara.i know why it's been five days, no matter how much i hate that i know why. brittany was nothing more than a distraction, one i needed her for, but i couldn't get myself to do that to her.

i know i promised her i would, but jupiter made it seem like she didnt want that, and she didn't want me for anything besides pity.

i was almost three days sober of drugs when he showed up to my place, brittany in one arm and his new girl from the bar, alexia, on the other. jupie had landed a few new drugs from his friends, and decided to make it a night at my place, and i just went along with it. i wanted to get sober, i really did, and i tried so hard, went through the early withdrawals and the pain, but i couldn't do it.

not when i knew i already messed up enough.

it was nearly 8 when i managed to peel myself out of bed, my whole body aching and my stomach trembled with nausea and hunger, but there was no way i could keep any food down right now. my body hurts, so bad it's cringe-worthy, and i know the only thing that would make it go away is drugs.

she's your distraction harry, not the drugs.

i sigh, flopping down on the pillows in anger, knowing i can't do that to myself. i'm trying so hard to fix this, to get gemma back, to get my family back, my sister and lila. it's because of drugs that i can't get myself to tell her how i, even when she's the one who said it was only sex. i don't want to scare her away, but i'd rather do that than make things worse for us. i want this to end, i just what to go back to the happy harry and the happy lila, no more drugs, or drinks or toxic fucks. i want us back.

my phone was across the room, still on the floor and my bones creak under my weight when i slowly stand, the taste of blood on the tip of my tongue as i slowly step towards it, falling to my knees in a crash and i let out a yelp at the pain that shoots through my body, grabbing my phone before leaning back against the bed, heaving heavy breaths, trying to catch them before i call her. i press the button, laying on the carpet, trying to count to ten, trying to make sure i wouldn't pass out.

"harry?" lila's voice made my body calm easily and i swallow, gaining enough strength to talk. "can you come over," i whisper and i hear her sigh on the other line. "harry i can't...i'm not in the mood for anything tonight," she says and i close my eyes, my lips trembling. "not that lila...i just need someone here...," it's quiet for a minute and i hear her inhale, going to speak but i cut her off. "please, please," i beg, my voice trembling with pain and her breathing stops. "okay..i'm on my way soon, okay?" she whispers and i hum, gulping in air and i close my eyes, listening to her voice, basking in it.

"harry? you still there?" lila's voice says and i mumble out a yes, laying on my back, the phone against my chest, and i close my eyes again, trying to not fall under the drunken spell of the aftermath, but it was too late, i was too far deep.

i'm abruptly awaken by the sound of running feet, and the door bursts open, a wide eyed lila finding me on the floor, silent tears in my eyes and she presses her hand to her chest, swallowing hard. "god harry, you scared me," she whispers and she comes to my side, laying a hand on my hot cheek. "m' sorry," i mumble, trying to sit up, and i whimper at the pain, her wrapping her arm around me, helping me over to the bed, and she slides her shoes off. she was still wearing makeup, but it was a little smudged, her mascara wet and her hands shaky.