Second Chances [BxB]

three

Declan Hudson was everyone's second choice.

When Declan was a kid, his parents had poured all of their attention into his disabled younger brother. When Declan was a teenager, his classmates saw straight through him, to his best friend, Mickey, who was more attractive and more likeable. And when Declan was at university, he swore he turned invisible.

Now, at nineteen years old, he wasn't sure where he stood in the world.

Declan liked having sex, because for just a moment, he was someone's first choice. They gave themselves to him entirely. And though they would leave as soon as it was over, he felt, for just a little while, wanted. Needed. He felt like he mattered.

He had done bad things. He had cheated on every girlfriend he had ever had as a teenager. He wasn't proud of it. He hated that part of his history. But he was young, and he didn't know who he was, and cheating was his pathetic way of desperately trying to find parts of himself in other people. Relationships just weren't enough for him - not when he was young, and reckless, and stupid. So, he had looked for attention in other places. He had cheated. He had hurt people. And he would carry that guilt with him for the rest of his life.

Then there was River. He used to tutor Declan, while Declan slowly fell in love with River's blue eyes and quick wit. It was never meant to last. They were built on rocky foundations and half forgotten whispers. But it was sweet while it lasted. River made Declan feel like he mattered, in a way that no one ever had before.

But River's eyes lost their brightness. His life lost its meaning. Declan didn't understand it at the time. He still didn't, not fully. But he knew enough. Enough to know that River faced something no teenager ever should, and when he fell apart, it wasn't Declan who put him back together again. It was Declan's best friend, Mickey, who had won every battle the two of them had ever fought. He won River, too.

Declan was, once again, someone's second choice.

After that, he gave up on relationships altogether. He moved to university, and learnt that he was quite good at casual sex. He could be everything someone wanted for one night, and then, never have to see them again. It saved him from getting hurt. It also saved him from hurting other people.

He glanced across at the boy sleeping beside him. He was gorgeous. Declan wanted to study every curve of his face. He wanted to touch every faded freckle on his nose. He wanted to learn to paint just so he could spend years perfecting the shape of Sebastian's lips.

Sunlight washed over his face, and he looked like a God. Chiselled cheekbones, smooth olive skin, messy chestnut hair. He was lit up, golden, a piece of artwork. And then Declan's gaze fell to the track marks on Sebastian's arms, and he remembered that he was human, just like the rest of them. He wanted to touch the marks. He wanted to feel them under his fingertips. He wanted to kiss them like he had kissed all the parts of Sebastian that weren't marred.

Declan hated waking up after a night of casual sex. He was always hungover, full of regret, uncertainty, anxiety. The worst part of it was the dread. Because it was only a matter of time before the person he was waking up next to realised that they only liked Declan when they were intoxicated. No one liked Declan sober.

Except for Sebastian.

When his deep brown eyes finally opened, he smiled sleepily at Declan, and buried his face into the pillow, "Morning." He grumbled.