Second Chances [BxB]

eight

Sebastian had spent years trying to shake off Oakleaf Academy's influence. The person he was at school - the one who hurt people, the one who hurt himself - didn't exist anymore. He was someone else now. Someone better.

But the way he had spoken to Declan felt like a step in the wrong direction. A step into the past. A step into the shoes of the boy he had been at seventeen. He didn't want to be that boy anymore. He had outgrown him.

Declan didn't seem to mind. He even said it turned him on. But that didn't ease Sebastian's guilt, nor his shame.

He used to be made of fire and ice. Either too hot or too cold. Too angry or too distant. Too violent or too detached. There was no in between. No middle ground. The only thing that seemed to balance him out were drugs. And those weren't an option anymore. He had to rely on himself now. And he never did learn quite how to trust himself.

He had tried so hard to change. He had tried being sweet, he had tried being nice, he had tried shutting up, and staying quiet. He was getting good at it, too; being someone who didn't strike fear into those around him. Being someone who people weren't afraid of. Being someone who people might actually like.

But Declan was hurt. He was crying. He was breaking down. And all the effort Sebastian had put into being a better person disintegrated. His instincts kicked in, and those instincts were to look after Declan. To take care of him. To protect him. To keep him safe. But Declan was stubborn. He pushed too far, and Sebastian had no choice but to push back.

They were sat at the table, opposite one another, half-eaten bowls of pasta in front of them. They hadn't said much to each other. Sebastian wanted to apologise to Declan for ordering him around. He wanted to explain that the only reason he had spoken to him like that was because he was worried about him. But Sebastian didn't know where to start with any of that.

Declan was mindlessly twisting his ring around his finger, and Sebastian was watching him do it, fixated by the movement.

"You do that a lot." He murmured.

Declan glanced up at him through thick lashes. He looked so vulnerable; nothing like the confident person who had asked Sebastian to buy him a drink all those weeks ago. "Do what?" He asked softly.

Sebastian gestured to Declan's hand, "With your ring."

Declan looked down at his ring, as if he was surprised to find himself already fiddling with it, "Oh." He breathed out, "Habit."

"Declan." Sebastian sighed, leaning back in his chair, "Listen-"

"Why are you doing this?" Declan asked abruptly. He looked down at his bowl of pasta, then back up to meet Sebastian's gaze, "I thought we had both decided that we were just gonna...y'know...sleep with each other, and...and that would be it." He mumbled, "You didn't need to do all of this to get me into bed. I would have fucked you either way."

Sebastian stared at him. Declan's eyes were so bright, and there was so much pain in them. Almost as much as there was in Sebastian's own eyes. "I know I invited you over to..." Sebastian ran a hand through his chestnut curls, "But you're clearly not... Declan, you're not okay. I'm not blind."

Declan averted his gaze, and stabbed at a piece of pasta with his fork, "So?"

Sebastian frowned, "So?" he echoed in confusion.

"You can still fuck me."

Sebastian almost laughed; it was such an absurd suggestion. Instead, all he said was "No."

"You don't want to?"

"I didn't say that."

"I think that's exactly what you-"