Second Chances [BxB]

thirty eight

"Dustin's dragging me to a book signing this weekend - the price I gotta pay for dating a total fucking nerd apparently."

Harvey snorted, "You met him at the library - what did you expect?"

"I don't know." Hamish groaned, "I really don't."

Harvey slouched back into the sofa, holding the phone close to his ear, "Look, I was calling to... I just wanted to..." He glanced over his shoulder, to check that everybody was tucked away in their respective bedrooms. He was in Declan and Evan's apartment, enveloped in a blanket that smelt like Evan's cologne. It was almost two AM.

He could have gone home after the movie he and Evan were watching finished. He should've. It was only a short walk.

But Evan had told him he could sleep on the sofa if he wanted to, and the truth was, Harvey didn't want to leave.

So, Evan went to bed, and Harvey called his brother, because his mind was racing, and he was still a few hours away from sleep.

"Are you okay?" Harvey blurted out, his eyes sinking shut, regret instantly swelling in his chest.

"Yeah, m'fine." Hamish replied bluntly, an edge to his voice.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around much recently." Harvey said, staring ahead at the lifeless TV screen, reflecting his own face through the shadows, "I've just been...y'know, busy..."

"You have your own life, Harvey." Hamish told him firmly, "You've got your job, and your friends, and you just took a bloody trip to Italy, so don't... You can't feel guilty for not hanging out with your brother. I won't let you."

Harvey smiled, fiddling with the hem of the blanket that was draped over his lap, "Yeah, okay." He relented, because he knew how much his brother hated people feeling sorry for him.

"What's new with you then?" Hamish asked, "Tell me everything."

"Don't you have work in the morning?" Harvey asked, "I don't wanna keep you up-"

"Trust me, you're not." Hamish promised, "I'd be awake either way, so you might as well-"

"What about Dustin?"

"Passed out hours ago." He said, a hint of amusement in his voice, "Now, bloody tell me about your life, Harvey. I'm bored."

"Okay, okay." Harvey sighed dramatically, "There's not too much to tell if I'm honest." He admitted, "Seb's seeing someone; some bitchy guy with far too much attitude."

Hamish scoffed, "What a glowing report."

"Nah, I actually like him, believe it or not." Harvey murmured, "He's good for Seb. He's good for me, too, I think." He confessed; Declan would always get on his nerves, but Harvey would always get on Declan's in return, and he liked the exchange they shared. "He's got this friend - Evan - and he's... Well, he's really nice. Proper sweet."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Harvey sighed, "I think I..." He chewed on his lower lip anxiously, "Recently, I've started feeling really weird around him, like..." He shook his head, because he couldn't describe the tightness in his chest he always experienced whenever Evan was around.

"Like what?"

"Do you think it's possible to go twenty years without really...knowing yourself?" Harvey asked, "What if I don't...? What if there's something really big and important that I...just sort of...missed?"

"Are you trying to tell me you're gay?"

"What? No." Harvey snapped back, "I don't... That's not what I..." He groaned miserably, "I've never really been into people. Like...I was into sex, but not...not romance." He rambled, "Does that make sense?"