Second Chances [BxB]

ten

When Sebastian first arrived at Oakleaf Academy For Boys, he was placed in a dorm room with a boy named Flynn.

Flynn was quiet, which suited Sebastian, who, at the time, was still grieving the loss of his boyfriend. Sebastian was grateful to have a roommate who didn't talk, who didn't bother him, who barely even burdened the world with his existence at all. Flynn was just there.

Then, one day, he was't there anymore.

Flynn left Oakleaf Academy in a bodybag, and no one cried.

His death was ruled a suicide. It didn't come as a shock to anyone, and yet, it kept Sebastian up for weeks. Because if he knew that this was a possibility, then why didn't he do anything?

He was assigned a new roommate shortly after, and everyone seemed to forget about Flynn. Sebastian didn't. He still hadn't, all these years later.

Declan was nothing like Flynn. He wasn't someone who could fade into the background, and he wasn't someone who could simply be ignored. And yet, Sebastian couldn't help but see something in Declan that reminded him of the boy he once shared a room with.

He knew how this story started; empty eyes, and careless actions, and injuries that could have been avoided. He also knew how this story ended.

And he wasn't going to let Declan see the inside of a bodybag anytime soon.

"I feel like such a bad person." Sebastian sighed, leaning his forehead against the cold headstone, "Getting involved with someone I know I could hurt...I know I will hurt..."

The graveyard was silent.

"He's not who I thought he was." Sebastian mumbled, "When I first met him, he was so confident. He asked me to buy him a drink." He smiled faintly at the memory, "But this morning...at the diner...he seemed...well...he was just...empty."

The wind rustled through a nearby tree. The red carnations at the foot of the gravestone shivered.

"I've never been casual with anyone." Sebastian continued, "I loved you, and I loved Felix, and both of you were...you were just so important to me. But with Declan, it's like...he's not allowed to be important." He gulped, "Because that would...I mean, that would defeat the whole point of casual sex, wouldn't it?"

There was no response. There never was. There never would be.

"But he is." Sebastian said thickly, "Important."

In the silence of the graveyard, that word felt heavy. Big. Monumental.

"But there's all these rules that I don't understand. I mean, with...with people. With how they work. With how everything works. I don't think I'm allowed to just..." He groaned, unable to find the right words, "I think I freaked him out...showing up at the diner like that."

He brushed his fingertips over the engravings on the stone. He traced Alex's name like he had done a thousand times before. Sometimes, he wanted to kiss it.

"I only went because I wanted his number. And I know that's stupid, but I just... Well, Declan's not...I mean, clearly he's...he's struggling. He almost had a breakdown in my flat last night. I would just feel better knowing that I have a way to contact him, knowing that he has a way to contact me." He rambled, "Which is so fucking stupid, because he's not meant to be anything more to me than sex, and yet, he...he..." Sebastian choked on his words. He couldn't admit it. He refused.

Silence.

"I've been thinking about Felix." Sebastian's eyes fell shut, "I wish I'd spent the time I had with him better. I wish I'd..." He tugged at his hair in frustration; there were so many things unsaid inside of him. "I never even asked him what he wanted out of life."