Second Chances [BxB]

thirty two

Declan was propped up on the countertop, nursing a warm mug of tea, whilst watching Sebastian peel potatoes. He had asked Sebastian if he needed help, but Sebastian's answer had been no. He had then asked Sebastian if he wanted help, but Sebastian's answer had still been no.

Declan was content to simply watch him.

He thought that Sebastian looked his best when he was cooking; his brows furrowed in concentration, curls dipping into his face, and fingers wrapped around a knife. Declan could watch him for hours, without a single word uttered between them, forever entranced.

There was music playing, and rain sliding down the glass windows.

Declan wanted this moment to last forever.

"D'you think he liked me?" Declan asked softly, placing his mug down beside him, "Your Dad - did he...? Was I okay?"

Sebastian's warm amber eyes flicked up to meet Declan's, then dropped back down to focus on the potato in his hand, "Everyone likes you." He responded simply, "It's pretty difficult not to."

Declan didn't think that that was strictly true, "A lot of people don't like me." He countered quietly.

Sebastian scoffed, as though he didn't believe him, "Like who?"

"My boss."

Sebastian continued peeling potatoes in silence. Declan suspected that he had learnt by now that the more he pushed, the less likely Declan was to open up.

"I don't blame her." Declan murmured, "I don't even like myself most of the time."

Sebastian placed his knife down, then twisted around to face Declan, his hip resting against the counter, "Why not?"

"I don't think I'm a very good person." Declan was startled by how easily Sebastian could draw things out of him; things he had buried deep inside for so long, he didn't even know it was possible to dig them back up again.

Sebastian's brows twitched into a frown, "Who told you that?"

Declan shrugged.

He felt so incredibly small.

Sebastian sighed, reaching out to tuck a loose curl behind Declan's ear, "You're a good person, Declan." He said.

"One day you're gonna realise that I'm not." Declan choked out, "And you're gonna leave."

Sebastian's eyes grew sad as he carefully searched Declan's face, looking for something he may never find.

"Remember our first date?" Declan took Sebastian's hand in his, and started tracing the snake ring that coiled around Sebastian's pinky, "You told me that if I...if I needed reassurance, you'd give it to me."

"I will." Sebastian promised, without missing a beat.

Declan gulped, "What if I don't deserve reassurance?" He asked quietly, "What if...if all these things my brain is telling me - all these insecurities it wants me to carry around - what if my brain is right?"

Sebastian shook his head, squeezing Declan's hand to remind him that he was there, "Dec-"

"I'm seeing a therapist." Declan blurted out.

Sebastian stared at him blankly, "You are?"

Declan should have told Sebastian months ago. He wasn't sure why he didn't. "Yeah, she's...uh...she's good. She's nice." He couldn't quite meet Sebastian's eye, "She thinks I have depression, but it...well, she says it comes in episodes."

Sebastian ran his thumb over Declan's knuckle, and in that moment, that small point of contact was the only thing keeping Declan grounded.

"I never really understood why some days were so much worse than others." He admitted, "Why sometimes I can cook, and clean, and do laundry, and sometimes...well, sometimes I can't even get out of bed."