Indra

four | stalker

four | STALKER
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B E A U M O N E T

We didn't talk to each other after that.

I'm glad we didn't.

She left after thirty minutes when I got to the lake, and I stayed for about ten minutes after she left.

Now, I'm at a grocery store to buy the list of things Zion said to buy. There is a rippling of silence in the shop as the sound of my footfalls echoes across the marble-colored floor. A red basket gripped in my hand swings left to right like a pendulum clock, as I circle around the fruits in brown crates near the cashier, looking around the store. It was an average size store. The neutral color store had aisles of different items.

I hum, grabbing the mango in the crates and placing it gently inside the basket cart. I enter the cooking aisles, looking for the pans. I pucker my lips, walking down the aisle.

Where the fuck is the pans?

I spot a woman with a light blue cardigan grabbing a pot from the shelf. She's the girl from the lake. I lean my shoulder on the gondola display, analyzing the woman as if she were words in a textbook. Her hair crumbles elegantly against her shoulders, and the raggedy lights above her shine on her rich, light brown hair depicting the great facets of autumn in her hair. I watch her attentively and discreetly as her tongue slips out of her cherry lips, placing the pot back on the shelf. A few extra strands fall over her face which is instantly swept away by her hand. She was radiantly beautiful, to the point I would be burned by the beauty of her skin if I touched it.

I shake my head from my thoughts, I fucking sound like a stalker.

I look like a fucking stalker.

I remove myself from the ranks, grabbing a random pot. I quickly exit out the aisle, entering a new one, hoping hazel eyes don't see me. "Merde, qu'est-ce que je fais?" I mumble under my breath. | Shit, what am I doing? |

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"Finally! I thought you would never come back." Zion shouts as I clamber into the room, closing the door behind me. The comforting heat scares at any chills hidden deep in my bones. An expansive window captures the deep sight of Boston at night, bright lights illuminating the corners of the buildings. Tan-colored couches cluster around the window almost as if they wanted to feel the warmth of the elegant city. I inch closer to the wooden diner table Zion was near, placing the bags filled with groceries on them. Zion rushes into the bags, unpacking the stuff."Thank you, Thank you, Thank you." He mumbles.

"I'm going to go to my room." I whisper, shoving my hand into my jean pocket.

Zion continues to unpack the stuff, "Okay, I'll call you when dinner is ready."

I nod, walking out of the living room and entering my room. My eyes scrutinize every inch of the room, oblivious to the mess that has been made inside. Cardboard boxes hide the cold, glorious black walls as if it's protecting the room from the ominous color, CDs and vinyl tucked into those boxes. A small pile of clothes strewn around the room like ants on the giant earth, some on the bitter black sheets, some on the ground.

I'll install a shelf in my room later.

I quickly slip off the jacket and walk closer to the bed in front of me. I lean into the bed on my back, enjoying the slight massages of my muscles when my bed shakes at my sudden movement on the bed. The soft fabric below me comforts the goosebumps emerging out of my skin. Bright lights from the Boston skyline squirm into the room, pleasuring the room with some light in the dark.

Everything was silent, only the noise of my slow breathing was heard. I take a deep breath, I hated feeling like this. Feeling like a worthless piece of shit, something my father would say.

Those words would slip into my mind like the air that slithers into my mouth, so simple that you could hardly miss it.

My father hated me, hated me for being alive. Kind of sad to have my own sperm donor hate me. I could never miss the words from my grandmother would whispers in my ear that I'm nothing what my father would utter to me. But it's hard to to listen to her when there's another voice in head that blocks that voice from my brain.

If he had a choice to carve a worthless piece of shit on my forehead, he would take the opportunity with no hesitation. He wanted to see me in pain, I guess he was successful after all.

I sigh, digging into my pocket. I grab my earphones and my phone, plugging the ends of the earphones into my phone and placing both earbuds in my ear. I scroll through my phone, finding a playlist I love.

Music. Something about it makes me love it. Maybe because music is a part of my soul. Listening to music has become an everyday thing. It fills the emptiness in my heart that nobody could fill. But the problem is, with music that feeling only lasts for a short amount of time not forever.

And it fucking sucks. I wanted someone or something to make that feeling of emptiness go away, for good not just for a short amount of time.

The blasting music playing through my earbuds starts to play Silence by Marshmello ft. Khalid. I bob my head to the beats of the music, looking at the clear window. Lights from the tall buildings shine brightly, not allowing the night sky to be too dark.

I focus my attention on my arm, trailing my eyes around my tattoos. When I was a kid, I hated tattoos because of the pain they caused, but now I'm addicted to the pain.

I had a few meaningless tattoos like the smiley face on the back of my hand, but I also had a few that meant something to me. Like the one on the side of my neck. It had my mother's birthday on it.

She died giving birth to me.

That's one of my father's reasons why he hates me. Well, his only reason. My grandmother told me all about my father's and mother's love and how it was so pure and lovable. I understand why he loathes me, I would hate someone who took the person I love with my whole soul, but that doesn't mean his words don't hurt.

Lyrics dawdles out of my earphones, ripping those childhood memories, carefully and precisely, helping me forgot about agony of those evocation out of my brain.

I'm in need of a savior (savior), but I'm not asking for favors.

I listen to the lyrics for the rest of the day, finding great meaning in the words.

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I might post another chapter this weekend, but hope you guys like this one, and have a great day/night.<3