As I Fall Asleep- Joshua Bassett

Chapter 22

I take a breath and gather up my courage, then walk into the classroom. Noah is back today and he's expecting an answer from me. I'm planning on telling him that I don't want to be his girlfriend as soon as I can. I just want to get it over with.

He's not in class yet so I take my seat and busy myself with pulling out the homework that's due today.

Hannah, my best friend since second grade, sits down next to me.

"Hey."

"Hey," I say, scanning the classroom once again for Noah.

He still hasn't shown up. Did i get the day wrong? Was he coming back tomorrow? Just as I'm questioning my memory Noah walks in.

Like the chicken I am, I immediately turn away and towards Hannah, not wanting to make eye contact with him.

"You ok?" Hannah asks me, noting my semi-erratic behavior.

I hadn't told anyone what happened between Josh and me. I wanted to tell Noah that we should just be friends before he finds out that i made out with another guy while he was out of town.

I don't know why, but I feel guilty. Sure, Noah and I weren't together or exclusive, but I still feel bad for leading him on. I was having doubts about our relationship, if you can even call it that, before Josh visited. But after what happened with Josh, I know that Noah and I aren't meant to be.

The guilt and the fact that I was keeping this a secret was getting to me and I needed to tell someone. Who better than my bff since elementary school, who's been the voice of reason for me for 10 years? Plus, I trusted she wouldn't tell anyone.

"Josh and I kissed and I think we're kind of a thing?" i say, ending it as a question. i continue, "And I have to tell Noah that I don't want to be his girlfriend and I feel so guilty and he's so sweet."

I tell her this all extremly quickly, it all coming out in a rush. Hannah stares at me for a second with her mouth open. She finally collects herself and shouts, "What?!"

A few people around us turn and look at us, trying to figure out why Hannah had raised her voice.

"Shhh, I don't want anyone to know. You're the only person I've told," I say, shushing her.

She lowers her voice to a whisper, "I'm so happy for you! Are you going to tell Noah now? He's been staring at you ever since he came in."

I glance to where he is sitting and sure enough, he's staring at me. He smiles and waves and I give him a nervus smile back, then turn my focus back to Hannah.

"Yeah, I think I'm going to tell him now. Why not get it out of the way first? Ugh, I just feel so guilty," I sigh.

"Don't, you guys weren't exclusive, and you can't feel guilty for liking someone else."

I nod at her explanation, feeling better now that she said it out loud and confirmed what I've been telling myself for the last few days.

"Ok, here I go," I say, and stand up.

Just as I lock eyes with Noah and take a step, the bell rings, signaling the beginning of class.

"Ok, let's get started. Pull out last night's homework," my teacher instructs.

I sit back down and Hannah whispers, "Guess you'll have to tell him later."

Yeah, I guess so. I was not looking forward to it.

***

I fall backwards on my bed, letting out a huff of air as I do so. It's been a long day.

I found Noah at lunch and talked to him. I explained that he is an amazing guy and really sweet, not to mention cute with his dirty blonde hair, but that I think we should just be friends. He took it as well as I could have hoped. He said he understood and walked away, but he looked really sad.