As I Fall Asleep- Joshua Bassett

Chapter 34

"Katie?!" Josh shouts, clearly alarmed, "Katie, what's wrong?"

I break out of his grasp and back up a few steps, pressing me eyes tightly shut, trying to block the pain out.

Josh follows me as I step back and I feel him grab my head, tilting it up to his. "Katie, open your eyes." He says this so incredibly gently that I do as he says.

His face is full of concern as he asks me again, "Katie, what's wrong? Are you in pain?"

I stop looking at his eyes and focus on my chest. The previously stabbing pain has changed to a dull throb. Still painful, but tolerable. I take a steadying breath, "I'm fine." I take hold of his wrists and bring them down, effectively moving his hands from my cheeks.

Josh laughs humorlessly once. "fine?! Did you not just see what I saw? Katie, you're clearly in pain."

Knowing Joshua wasn't going to let this go, I give him and explanation. "I really am fine. My chest hurt for a minute, but the doctor said that might happen every once in a while." Ok, maybe that wasn't the entire truth, but it was enough. He doesn't look convinced so I add, "dr. Olden said it's completely harmless." That was a lie. I know we're trying to have trust in this relationship, but I don't want him worrying.

"you should call the doctor just in case because that seemed bad." he says.

I smile tiredly, "Ok, ill do that on my way to the airport."

I walk and gather my things, putting them by the front door, then turn to Joshua who followed me throughout the apartment.

"Thanks for having me, it's been... eventful," I conclude.

He crossers his hands across his chest, looking intimidating. "of course. You're welcome anytime."

Although I don't doubt that he would let me stay with him again, I don't think I will. We're just too complicated and can't figure things out. We should stay away from each-other.

I nod at his offer. "I should get going, my uber is here."

He reaches across from me and opens the door, "Here let me walk you out."

I raise my eyebrows and look at him with a smirk. "Really? In that?"

Joshua looks down at the towel around his waist and blushes slightly, then rubs his neck shyly. "on second thought, maybe it's best if you go down by yourself."

I laugh. "Bye, Josh. Thanks again."

I shut the door behind me then walk to the uber, trying the entire time to ignore the painful thudding in my chest.

***

The next few weeks go by without any pain episodes in my chest at all. After a week of dodging Dr. Olsen's calls, I finally told her that I was secure in my decision and that I won't be getting any surgery. She wasn't happy but I agreed to continue the checkups every month or so, and that seemed to appease her a bit.

Josh and I text more often, but we never bring up those couple of nights where we lost all self control and let our emotions, and hands, run wild. While we text eachtoehr, it's never really deep, it's just conversational topics. We haven't talked about getting back together, and the truth is, I'm glad. Even if joshua wanted restart this relationship, I'm not sure that I wouod want the same. Although I've moved past the Sabrina situation, I'm not sure if I trust him as much as I should. Plus, there's the whole issue of wanting to keep us a secret. Didn't I deserve more than that?

While sitting in class, listening to my math teacher drone on and on, my phone lights up with a phone call. I look at the icon that pops up, confusedly. Why is Josh calling me at 11am on a Tuesday? I excuse myself then go outside into the blistering heat of California. Sure it was only May, but that didn't stop it from reaching the 100s.