As I Fall Asleep- Joshua Bassett

Chapter 32

The drive back to Joshua's apartment is uneventful, but my mind is spinning a hundred miles per hour. I know I've decided to not have the surgery, but it is really the best choice? At least with the surgery you know when it's going to happen. Without it, no one knows when the scar tissue will become too much and it when it will cause a major problem. Possibly causing my heart to stop beating.

I walk back into the apartment and plop down at the table, heaving a big sigh.

Josh comes out of the bathroom, "You ok?"

I yelp at the sudden voice, then laugh. "Sorry, you scared me, I didn't know you were back already."

He smiles softly, "Yeah I just stopped my to grab something." He lifts up a folder with papers sticking out of it. He walks over and takes the seat across from me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I say, shaking my head, "Just tired."

"Are you sure?"

"Mmm-hmm," I confirm.

When he doesn't say anything, I change the topic. "Don't you have to go?"

"Yes, but I feel bad leaving you. You're obviously upset about something."

I kill the flutter that arises in my chest, not wanting it to spread.

I shake my head again. "Josh, I'm fine I swear. It's just been a long day, I'm tired. In fact, I'll probably take a nap once you leave."

He doesn't look convinced so I stand up, walk over to him, and grab his arm that was resting on-top of the table. "Come on, we'll talk later, ok?"

Josh reluctantly stands up and allows me to to drag him to the door. "Promise?"

I smile, he's such a baby. "Yes, I promise."

"Fine." And with that, he opens the door and leaves, shutting it behind him.

I stand there for a minute longer, the smile still present on my face. How did he do that? Make me forget my problems? I was so upset only minutes ago, yet after talking with him, I have a smile on my face.

I wipe the smile from my face and go into Josh's room. I said I would take a nap to get Josh to leave, not planning to actually go through with it, but after mentioning it, a nap doesn't seem like such a bad idea. I open my suitcase, wanting to change into something more comfortable. After searching through it multiple times, I come to the realization that I forgot to pack pajamas. Fantastic.

I look at JOsh's dresser...I couldn't right?

I mean I've worn his clothes before, but that was when we were together.

Before I can change my mind, I quickly walk over to the dresser and pull open the second drawer down. I grab a pair of basketball shorts and open the drawer underneath, which reveals an array of t-shirts. I pause for a moment, the scent of Josh beginning to make its way to my senses. I grab one and shut the drawers, sealing the smell of Josh inside.

I take off my worn clothes, smelling of the airport and the hospital, and put on the clean clothes that I stole from joshua. I climb into bed and tuck myself in the covers.

I look up at the blank ceiling and take a deep breath. Now that I'm covered in josh's clothes and bedding, the smell of him, a bit woodsy, sweet, with a hint of laundry detergent, is everywhere. The scent brings back too many memories and my heart hurts, which then reminds me of the situation I'm currently in.

For the first time since I left Dr. Olsens office, I begin to cry. Loud, jarring sobs rack my body, causing me to curl into the fetal position. I turn my head into the pillow beneath me, trying to silence my cries, but instead the smell of Josh hits me with full force, making me cry harder.