all for us - maddy perez

chapter five. the howard house

|all for us — five— the howard house|
" people are crazy smart when they're high. "

|you who cannot see, think of those who can|

IT ALL STARTED freshman year. Oh— and I'm talking about Nate and Jordan's feud... in case you were confused. Maybe I should've started off by clarifying that... sorry.

Anyway, I think it's because of me for the most part. Jordan was friends with me at that point because we had Biology together and were lab partners. Thank God he knew something about science. Not that he ever wanted to admit it. He was smart— he is smart.

Anyway, we were friends. Nothing else. Sometimes people thought we were dating, which we never were. Although, if I were to date a guy, Jordan would probably be that guy. He's hot as fuck. I would probably date Elliot, too. Don't tell Jules I ever said that... like, if you were talking to her from senior year. Fuck, that made no sense... anyway...

It was freshman formal. Since we tried not to interact with anybody else, we went together as friends. Nate Jacobs tried to finger me. I didn't consent. Jordan shoved him away. That was the end of that. But there was definitely something that shifted in them. They'd never had a real problem with each other before.

Jordan also liked Christopher McKay. He liked him a lot more than he liked Nate Jacobs, feud or no feud. It was until Jordan got his first girlfriend sophomore year that he and McKay were considered close. They'd started hanging out in fifth grade, so it was almost like they were best friends. Best friends from completely different circles.

Jordan began dating Cassie Howard in their sophomore year of high school. It was somewhat random, but then again, Cassie had never been single a day in her life. To say Nate was not pleased when he heard about it was an understatement. He told McKay to get his game up and make sure that Cassie dated a guy suitable for her— not some fucking drug dealer.

It wasn't necessarily because of that comment, but Jordan and Cassie didn't last too long. They were together for three months, a surprise to us all. Cassie had said, and I quote, "I don't give a fuck what Nate Jacobs says, I swear, I'm in love with you," after a month and a half of dating. Jordan couldn't bring himself to say it back.

See, Jordan had never been in love. It wasn't Cassie's fault, she was always very sweet to him, but instead,'it was just that no matter what, Jordan never felt anything like love. He felt loved, but that was different. And he could feel platonic love and familial love. But not romantic love. Not being in it.

McKay and Nate jumped Jordan one day after school when he wasn't looking. Nate almost broke Jordan's arm, and there's a video of it on the Internet to this day. It's gruesome, though, so I wouldn't recommend watching it. Jordan, however, didn't make a sound. He didn't scream, he didn't cry, he didn't move. He let it happen. And two weeks later, Nate Jacobs was up against the chain link fence outside the schoolyard, his nose swollen and bruised because Jordan had shoved a swing into his face and then proceeded to punch him.