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15. The Emotional Breakdown

After reading the diary tears started flowing from his eyes . He was speechless for some moments but then he get and hugged the Sam tightly while tears started flowing from his eyes.
Now Tarun had exactly understand the reason behind the Sam's numbness . Tarun was totally terrified thinking of what happened to Kiara and what type of guilt Sam had been holding onto , what he just exactly feeling and off course Tarun was just a friend to her while Sam husband , and for being a husband what are the things going on his mind and what Kiara had felt after he too blamed her like others , more than those words of diary that unspoken pain inside of her . How the he was feeling after knowing that the girl whom he was calling characterless loved him the most !

While Tarun was thinking all these , he made his grip tighter to holding onto his emotions after all he will be the one to look after Sam. No matter for how much long Tarun tried to control himself but after seeing his friend' s lifeless body he too flood into tears and both of them cried together for hours.
After the heavy burden of theirs heart became little light , Tarun asked " Where have you been in this whole month ?"
Sam controlled his tears , swallowing his emotion , clearing his throat he said," That night when I was heavily get drunken , driving my car at high speed after some kms my car's wheel get punctured. I get out of the car , a bottle of near on my hand I didn't know where I was . I saw an alone house , a girl was sitting out of her house drinking and smoking together insanely lost in her thoughts."

"So she was Kiara ?" interrupted Tarun. "Hmm", replied Sam.
"How she's here ?" asked Tarun .
"Don't know ," replied Sam.
"Then what happened?" again asked Tarun curiously .
Sam stayed quiet for a moment then started speaking, "I went to her and the only thing I had in my mind was she had cheated on me and I hate her for that ! You know Tarun , what type of hatred is most terrifying?"
"What type of hate ?" said Tarun interestingly cause this time the thing that was in Tarun mind was if he's talking to heartbroken drunken and telling his story and this was making him to curious to know more and somehow to laugh , because this time he can't stop himself from adoring Sam the way he was just talking.

"When you love someone deeply and it turned into a hatred . In actual we don't hate them but we keep pretending like if we hate them and it make us to hate ourselves too , we can't accept the reality . You know what I betrayed her ! Really what a bad man I'm ! I'm literally became like that disgusting shit !
Let me continue the story ' When I went to her as she was drunk so she wasn't able to recognise me , her eyes were half opened , after seeing me she went into her room thinking of me as strange but I followed her , throw her on the bed and offcourse that time there was no difference between me and that bastard Sahil the way I harassed her , even she was pleading me , the mercy was coming from deep down from my way but my hatred and ego was more important to me that time !! '" said Sam giving a disgusting laugh and explained him what happened next morning when he got up from bed !
"Didn't you went again there after reading the diary ?" asked Tarun.
"When I picked the diary and went from there , she was awakening and I think she had seen me that time I also left my car over there and I was in the mid forest when I read the diary , the diary had already made me lifeless because the guilt that I was holding onto . I didn't know what to do and I didn't have courage to take a stand , I've been hungry and thirsty for three days at same place even  my phone was inside my car . I wanted to die I've option for dying but my hatre for myself didn't let me die it says you deserve this . When I was laying half dead in the middle of the forest , there were some people came their for campaign they took me to the hospital   and I was alive , I wasn't die even my body was too imperfect no mark no bone had break but still I was on the hospital bed for a month .
After one month when I was recovered , I went to the same place and I didn't found her , it make me to have that guilt again because I went there with the hope if she will forgive me , if things will be okay like before !"

"Sam you've already tortured yourself a lot  , don't do this again . By having this self hatre and guilt , you aren't going to get anything not even Kiara .
Kiara too did those all things to herself what she get in these two years ? Aren't you doing same thing to yourself? Don't you think for once how she'd think ? Doesn't she going to blame herself like this as she did before ? And if you keep torturing yourself, nor you tried to find her , if you keep sitting like this , have you think of your family how would they suffer ? You're the only son of them Sam !! Sam take a stand , do hurry and get ready like a gentleman go to her and except her as your wife , get ready fast !We're going to search for Kiara , " said Tarun.

"But where we're going to search for her ?" asked Sam.
"Don't take care of about that I'll handle it . Now just get up fast and dressed properly ! You're looking like a Shahrukh Khan of Devdas who had gone insane for Paro !!"
Tarun laughed and finally Sam too laughed .