See You Later ~ Elizabeth Olsen

41 ~ Official

Y/N POV

I stare at the sheet of paper and notice a few imperfections on the page. I frown when I realize its water damage and by the small spots I know it's from tears. I sigh and run a hand through my hair. I carefully fold the letter and slip it back into the envelope before getting up to get in some running clothes.

I run south towards battery park and lean against the railing at the tip of Manhattan once I get there, my eyes set on the Statue of Liberty in the distance. My mind is an absolute mess.

I keep going back and forth on how I feel about the letter. On the one hand, it shows that even if she never sent them, she was thinking about me and caring about me. On the other hand, she never sent them.

I understand why she didn't but I still wish she had. I wouldn't have felt so alone and sad. I would have known how she was feeling and could write letters back to her that would hopefully make her feel better. But she chose to suffer alone.

I know how that is. I thought I could suffer alone and figure it out after everything with Jessica. When I was at my lowest, I isolated myself. The difference was...I really had no one. She had me, she could have sought comfort in me but she didn't.

I sigh again and move to sit on a bench nearby. I know she didn't send them because she didn't want to hurt me and make me worry. It just backfired. She also admitted that she felt like she wasn't enough for me and wanted to set me free.

I still don't know how I feel about the letters sprawled on my desk as I walk back home. At the last minute I choose to walk to Tribeca and smile at Jerry who lets me up to Ashley's apartment.

"Hey Kiddo" Ash greets from her spot on the couch.

"Hey." I respond dryly and slump onto the couch next to her.

"What's got you gloomy? Didn't you go on a date last night?" She asks with a small grin.

"Yeah...Lizzie gave me the letters she never sent." I share and she nods, observing me quietly.

"And how did that feel?" She asks.

"I don't know. I feel...conflicted." I state lamely and she hums in thought.

"Are you mad?" She asks and I shake my head. "Sad?" She tries again.

"I think I'm...sad that I couldn't be there for her when she was clearly struggling. She sounded so...down and I just....I wish I could have helped." I try to explain.

"Lizzie tends to remove herself from stressful things when she feels particularly sad. She likes to figure out her shit on her own. So...even if it is annoying that she chooses to isolate herself, she just needs us to be considerate and patient. I know you probably want to help her out...but whenever she feels powerless or any strong emotion too much, she shuts down because she feels like no one understands or she doesn't want to burden others with her emotions." She explains and I nod. That sounds like my sunshine.

"I get that. I like to be alone when I'm stressed or sad too. So...missing me made her feel powerless?" I clarify and she nods.

"She had no control over not being with you, or at least it felt like that I think. She talked to me about it a little bit. Her anxieties are centered around what other people think or feel about her. It's hard for her to shut out all the noise and just focus on being herself." She explains and I nod.

My phone buzzes and I smile at the name. "Speaking of the devil." I point out and she smiles.

Me: Hello sunshine

Lizzie: Bug!

Me: Well someone sounds excited

Lizzie: The audition went so well! I think I might get it!