See You Later ~ Elizabeth Olsen

57 ~ Either Way

Y/N POV

I'm in a constant state of confusion. I don't know what the fuck to do. But I go to work and get shit done. Ed has noticed my mood and asked about it today.

"What's going on with you, mate?" He asks

"My girlfriend had her sisters get me an interview here." I tell him.

"Okay, and what's wrong with that?" He asks.

"They used their fame to get me a job. I didn't earn it." I explain and he sighs.

"Okay, I see." He replies, his hands occupied by his guitar as he thinks.

"I thought I had done it all by myself. I thought I was good enough but when she told me it just felt like I was...played. I didn't get here on my own merit or because I was deserving or good enough. I got here becasue my girlfriend didn't want to deal with my depressed ass." I explain further.

"Did she do it for the wrong reasons?" He asks.

"She told me she did it because she believes in me, but how does negotiating my job behind my back mean she believes in me? I've been miserable for months and she didn't even think to tell me it's becasue she sold my soul to the devil." I spit out angrily.

"You're angry at her, that's acceptable. But, look at where you are now." He points out.

"I get it. I get that it all worked out. But it's the principle of the thing. Our entire relationship is based on her selfishness." I continue my rant.

"Do you like her?" He asks.

"Right now? No." I respond easily.

"Do you love her?" He continues.

"With all my heart. But...I feel like it isn't enough." I share.

"Why's that?" He pushes.

"She's dedicated to her career. She's working constantly and having the time of her life but I can't have the one thing I want." I explain.

"Why?" He asks.

"Her manager tricked me into signing an NDA so I don't speak about our relationship." I share and he frowns.

"Damn."

"Yeah. All I've ever wanted is to be hers without boundaries. I can't have it." I shake my head at the thought.

"So you feel stuck. You love her, but she can't give you what you want and she made you feel undeserving." He summarizes.

"Yeah." I confirm.

"So what do you want to do about it?"

"I don't even know.  I think I love her too much to let her go." I share out loud as the thought crosses my mind.

"But, if you love something enough, shouldn't you let it go? That's the saying right?" He reminds me.

"That is the saying...but what if I let her go and I lose her forever?" I ask.

"That's a risk. But if you truly love each other, you would give each other the space and time to grow. Because if love comes back, you know it's real." He finishes the saying. I'm not one to believe those cliches, but with what Ashley said and now Ed, maybe I should let her go, before anything gets worse.

"Let's get back to writing." I suggest, as lyrics come to mind.

"You've got your writing face on now." He teases and I roll my eyes playfully.

We work on this song that won't get out of my head. I don't love it but it gets out my feelings about the whole thing. It won't end up on his album, it's not his vibe at all. But he helped me out and I feel slightly better now that I've processed what I want to do.