See You Later ~ Elizabeth Olsen

56 ~ Charity Case

Lizzie POV

I haven't moved. I don't know what I would do if I did. I feel ice cold as my mind races. I fucked up...again. I'm trying to not get back into the mindset that I don't deserve her, I don't want to go in circles. I want to be better for her, I promised I would be. Fuck.

The only thing I can think of to fix it is to take a step back from filming, but I can't. It's my career and it's everything I want. But I want her too.

I want her to be happy more though.

I can't shake the feeling that she would be happier without me. She wouldn't have to hide, or think about everything she does possibly ruining my career. She doesn't have to think about how I meddled in her career and feel bad about herself.

We're in a cycle where Y/N thinks she's a burden or distraction and I chose my career over her and I don't see a way out that I'm willing to take.

We can stay together and try to get past it. I can try to be less selfish. No matter how much I love her though, I know I won't give up what I've worked so hard for.

Is it possible to know who you want to spend the rest of your life with, but the timing isn't right? Has the timing ever been right with all of our bullshit?

I promised I wouldn't hurt her again, but it feels like whatever I do I will.

It's been a few hours and she hasn't come home. I have no fucking clue where she is and it's scaring me. It's late.

I continue to wait when I realize her phone is on the couch.

I'm so sure she's the one, but everything seems just so complicated and messy.

Rhonda is pissing me off too. She didn't help anything and apparently she made Y/N mad today. We didn't get the chance to talk about that.

After another hour of waiting the door opens and I stand up quickly, my heart in my throat.

"Wanna get high?" She asks and it takes me by surprise.

"Um...what?" I ask and she shrugs.

"I don't want to talk about it." She mumbles as she walks past me, finding her tin and walking back out to go to the roof.

I follow tentatively, unsure what she's feeling. She's always so patient with me while I'm always hesitant. Nothing fucking changes. I take a deep breath and decide to be the patient one, and wait until she wants to talk about it. I follow her without thinking twice about it. I don't have to hesitate. Just go be with her Lizzie.

I sit down next to her as she lights the joint, the red glow making her eyes sparkle.

"You don't want to ever say goodbye to me." She mumbles after taking a drag and I nod softly. "You told me that when we first became friends." She reminds me.

"It's still true." I assure her. She nods slowly and looks away, her gaze settled on the skyline uptown.

"I went to your sisters. Then to Pam's." She explains. "I um. I'm still unsure of what to even say to you." She whispers and wipes at her cheeks. "I'm not happy Lizzie." She chokes out and I go to comfort her but she stands up to walk in circles, taking a drag every few minutes as I watch.

I don't know what to fucking say. Nothing that I come up with seems like enough. What can I say? I'm sorry? What good is that going to do?

"Do you...do you have feelings for someone else?" She asks out of left field and I frown in confusion.

"No. Y/N, what are you talking about?" I ask.

"Nothing I guess." She decides. "We suck at communicating." She states and I nod. "And facing the hard things." She adds on.