17 - Troubles of the Heart

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I swing my legs off the side of my bed and touch my feet to the cold floor. I walk down the creaky steps for the second time today and my mother must have heard me because she walks out of the living area.

"Good morning, again." She greets, "I want to talk to you about something." She walks back into the living room and I follow slowly behind, really wanting to just eat something right now.

"I want to talk to you about something." She says as soon as I sit down.

"Does this have anything to do with Zuko?"

"Kind of," She changes her answer when she notices me getting up from my seat, "No, it doesn't really... I want to tell you about how I met your father," She points at the chair across from her, silently telling me to sit back down. I sit and cross my legs on the chair preparing myself for a long story.

"I already know the story, Mother." I tell her but she shakes her head, "That was not the true story. I did not meet your father in the Fire Nation. We met right here in the Earth Kingdom. We only told you the story of us meeting in the Fire Nation to make sure that everybody believed that I was from there."

She leans over resting her elbows on her knees, clearly deep in thought, "I met your father when he ambushed my division. Not a pleasant first impression, I'll tell you that. I hated your father at first. He and his men had captured or killed all of my friends and fellow soldiers. He kept me alive though, to question me. He wanted to know if he could get any information out of me but I would not talk. Those interrogations were a continuous ritual for the two of us for months but eventually, he stopped interrogating me and he simply wanted to talk. I wouldn't talk to him for weeks until I finally gave in once I was sure that he was not going to hurt me in any way if I said something he didn't like. We would talk about all sorts of things, though I was still not very fond of your father. Those feelings changed when he finally came out and told me that he hated himself for what he had done that day and that he was willing to let me go now. I was free at last but I didn't want to go away. I hated the thought of it but I knew that I had grown an attachment to this Fire Nation Commander. I didn't leave that day."

"How did you end up in the Fire Nation?" I ask.

"Your father got an offer to work directly with the Fire Lord as his steward. Of course, your father did not get many benefits from being a steward, he was simply a glorified servant. I believe Ozai wanted to keep a watchful eye on your father because rumours had been spreading about him and me. We of course moved to the Palace City and I was forced to hide my true descent. You know the rest of the story of course."

I nod my head in approval, "But why are you telling me all this now?"

"Because it reminds me of you and Zuko," She smiles sincerely.

"So this did have to do with Zuko? But how?" I tilt my head slightly to the side.

"That is for you to figure out."

"Why can't you just tell me?" I whine.

"Where's the fun in that?" She smirks. She gets up from the couch and walks off to the kitchen, "Would you like something to eat?" She calls out.

"No. I'm not hungry," My appetite has gone. I put my head into my hands.

I don't get it. I don't hate Zuko like she hated Father. I guess I miss the old Zuko that I could laugh with instead of the new Zuko that I can only laugh at. Are we just like her and Father? I mean I did spend a lot of time 'trapped' on Zuko's boat where I was somewhat forced to socialize with him, but I think I always have trusted him.

"Don't think too hard about it, your head might explode." My mother puts a bowl of food in my lap, "I was just giving you my opinion. You know you best and I'm sure you understand your relationship with Zuko better than I do." She slips back out of the room.

But maybe it is not that I dislike Zuko but the other way around. I do get on his nerves all the time but I don't think that he hates me. Right?

"Love," My mother appears again, stroking my cheek gently, "Don't get so worked up."

"Do you think Zuko hates me?" My voice cracks.

"You're overthinking it. I do not think he hates you. I simply said that you are like me and your Father. I said nothing about you two hating each other. I think you are like us in that you are both ignoring the feelings that rest," She pokes my chest, "In here."

"I'm not ignoring anything," I grumble.

"Right, of course." She says sarcastically, "Eat your food." She points at the bowl that has now gone cold, "You know you've been like this since you were younger. Every time I would bring up Zuko you would avoid the subject or just run away."

"I don't run away anymore. He's the one doing the running." I cross my arms.

"Right, right..." She points one last time at the bowl, "Eat." She disappears again into a different room.

"Fine."

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