Tutor||l.h.

four - secrets

"Are you alright?" Calum asked me as we got to the tour bus which was parked in the private garage of the venue.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, keeping my head tucked down as we walked. The boys and I all loaded onto the bus and Calum asked again. "Calum," I snapped, pulling the attention of all four boys to me, "I said I'm fine just stop asking." My voice quivered on the last word and a single tear fell from my eye. I quickly wiped it away and pushed past all the boys, going to the bunks and climbing into mine. I still had makeup on, was wearing my jeans, and my contacts were in but I needed to get away from them. They waited a few minutes before they tried to talk to me. 

"Dalaiah?" Ashton's voice asked softly, pulling back the curtain.

"What?" I whispered, not looking at him but continuing to look at the ceiling of the bunk.

"Can you please talk to us?" he asked, "We want to know what happened. I mean, we live with you now and we see each other everyday. We can help you through this."

I nodded and sat up, finally looking at Ashton who was crouched down by my bunk, "Okay, I'll tell you guys." He smiled and extended a hand to help pull me up.

"Go to the back room, we're going to start moving soon and I'm sure you want to tell us this in private," Ashton said, "I'll go get the other boys." At that time, I could hear the bus driver talking to Calum. I went to the back of the bus and sat down on a couch, tucking my knees into my chest and waiting. The boys all stepped into the room a minute later. Luke sat on my left side and Michael on my right. Calum sat on the coffee table directly in front of me and Ashton sat next to Luke.

"You guys might already know, but my mom had me when she was 16," I said, "It was a one night stand but then it started to turn into a relationship. They never officially started dating but my mom started to fall for the bastard and they went on a few dates. When they found out she was pregnant, he left and never talked to her again." Ashton looked down sadly, like he related to what I was talking about. Luke placed a hand on his shoulder and flashed him a small smile before turning his attention back to me. "Today, my 'father' called my mom," I said, "He told her that he's taking her to court." I wiped away a tear that fell from my eye. "He wants to get full custody of me and get a court order that she has to have his permission to see me."

A few more tears fell from my eyes and Michael wrapped his arm around my shoulder, letting me lean into his side. "Why would he do that? I mean, what does he have against her?" Calum asked.

I shrugged, "I don't know why he wants to do this. I've never met him and he doesn't know anything about me. He hasn't seen my mom in 18 years. He's claiming she's an unfit parent for never providing me a stable home and always being on the road." Michael held me tighter as my tears picked up. 

"Ash? You okay, mate?" I heard Luke whisper. I looked up to see Ashton with tears on his face and Luke's arm around his shoulder. 

"Ashton what's wrong?" I asked. Calum motioned for Luke to stand up and moved to my other side so I could sit by Ashton. As soon as he stood, I scooted over and he sat in my previous spot.

He smiled weakly through his tear coated eyes, "My dad left my mum when I was 10. I haven't seen him since. It's not nearly as bad as yours but I don't know... It just made me think about it and then..."

I nodded in understanding, pulling him into a hug, "I know what you mean. I became depressed when I was about 13, when I finally started to understand that I just don't have a dad."

He smiled limply as another sob left his mouth, "Me too." He glanced at the boys, signalling them to tell me what happened as he didn't want to.

"Ashton, uh, he used to self harm," Calum said quietly.

I looked over at Ashton and pulled him closer to my side, repeating his earlier words, "Me too."

Ashton smiled and wiped his eyes and then looked up at the boys, "How about we do something more happy now?"

Luke laughed a little, breaking the depressing mood, "How about a movie?"

"But first," Calum said with a grin, "A group hug."

He quickly sat on Luke's lap and latched his arms around my waist, giggling in the process. Luke did the same. Michael jumped up and sat on Ashton's lap, wrapping his arms around Ashton and I.

"Thank you guys," I whispered, nuzzling my face into Michael's shoulder.T he boys all pulled away but stayed seated on each other's laps.

"What do we want to watch?" Ashton asked.

"Anchorman?" Luke offered hopefully.

"I'll go find the movie," Ashton smiled.

"And I can go get drinks," Luke smiled."I'm in charge of food," Michael yelled excitedly. 

Calum was about to say something but I cut him off, "Calum and I can stay here and get the room set up." I wanted to talk to him and apologize for snapping earlier.The boys all filed out of the room and I turned to Calum as he gathered the blankets in the corner of the room. "I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier," I said.

He shook his head and waved it off with a smile, "Don't be. I shouldn't have pushed it."

"No, you were just trying to be helpful and I was a bitch about it. But thank you, also. If it wasn't for you asking about it I wouldn't have talked to all the boys about it."

He smiled, "It's not good to bottle up your feelings."

I nodded, "I know, but I do anyhow. It just seems easier than to inconvenience everyone around me."

He sat down the blankets he was currently laying out on the couch and walked over to me, pulling me into a tight hug.

"You will never inconvenience us for feeling upset about something, okay? We are always here for you and we want you to tell us when something happens. Same with Ashton, he may be always smiling and hyper and laughing, but he gets upset, too. We make him talk to us about it because we don't want him falling into old habits. And we don't want you to, either."

I smiled into his shirt but didn't say anything until he pulled away, "Promise me you'll talk to us?"

I nodded, "I promise."