The Hermitcraft Plays

Uhh... it's not going well

'Week 2, rehearsal 1, scene 3, let's go! Pretend there is a bar! Cleo, Ren, you start onstage. And... go!'

Grian walked onto the wooden platform that had evolved from the complete-lack-of-stage the week before, followed by Pearl, ambushed by requests from Joe for them to 'look around! You're suspicious, and you've never been here before... what do your characters think about the characters onstage? What did they do immediately beforehand?' 

'WE SHOULD BE CAREFUL IN CASE ANYONE HERE IS WORKING FOR.' Grian shouted, interrupting Joe's directorial rant. 

'Yes, you're right! Anyone could be working for. We don't know who is.' 

'Woah, woah, woah, woah. Hold up. Why are you removing all grammatical sense from everything I've written?'

'You told me not to say names...' Grian explained, looking over at Joe, who sighed. 

'Right. Say the person playing the characters name. Instead of not saying anything. Alright?'

'I don't know who plays this character!' 

'It's Doc. And I think he's decided on the name Dr Evil, so call him that.'

'Ok... should we restart the scene?'

'Just continue...' 

'I thought you said there would be someone here that could help.' Grian whispered, barely audible.

'Project, Grian!'

'What does that even mean?!'

'Speak louder!'

'It says whisper!' 

'The audience still needs to hear you!' Joe explained, trying not to get frustrated. 

'But... but then everyone onstage will hear me too!'

'You want that so they know when to say their own lines. Now, Ren. Your time. Please don't disappoint me...'

'Greetings, travellers!' Ren interrupted excitedly, completely in character. 'I am the fair Renvolio, I am here to accompany you on your journey across the mountains to where the evil Dr Evil dwells!' 

'This must be who Wels mean!' Pearl gasped. Grian looked over at her. 

'GRIAN! Your line!'

'Oh, sorry... but what if he isn't? Lots of people want Doc dead.'

'...What...?' Doc looked over at the stage, choosing that exact moment to start listening.

'True. Renvolio, do you know of our quest from the merchant Welsknight?'

'It's Sells-knight!' Wels called over. 

'Hang on, are we ignoring the fact Grian thinks people want me dead?'

'Your character, Doc. Not you.' 

'But Grian said...'

'I sure am! Greetings, travellers. What are your names?' 

'Uhhh... JOE, WHAT'S MY NAME?!' 

'INVENT ONE!' Joe replied, half distracted by trying to tell Doc what was actually happening. 

'I am... Uhhh...' he looked around the area for any kind of inspiration. 'Scar.' He decided, spotting said hermit in the wings. 

'Well, hello, Scar... and you?'

'I am Pearl.' Pearl held out her hand to shake 'Renvolio's', despite the fact it wasn't in the script. Ren took it in stride, shaking back.

'Hang on, did I miss a cue?' Asked Scar from offstage. 'Why's Grian doing my part?' 

'Scar! It's your entrance!' Grian hissed, looking from his script to his confused friend. 

'But why are you being called Scar?! I'm Scar!' 

'It was the first thing I thought of!'

'Scar, enter and say your line!' Joe finally focussed on the play again. 

'Ok!' Scar ran onstage, forgetting his script and confidently saying. 'You're not Scar! I am!' 

'Oh no he isn't!' Yelled Cub from the audience.

'Oh, yes he is!' Joined in Grian. 

'What's- going on?' Joe tried to regain his control of the situation, even though it was already way out of his power. 

'Oh no he isn't!' This time, Tango, Zedaph and a confused Mumbo joined in. 

'Oh yes he is!' Everyone onstage except Grian said.

'When was this a pantomime?!' Scar looked around, helpless. 'I... am Scar? Right? Joe?!'

'CUB! TANGO! CUT IT OUT!' 

'He's behind you!' Added Cub as a final remark, before joining Tango in laughing. 

'Who's behind me?!' 

'Scar, no one's behind you!' Assured Grian. 

'But- I don't know what's going on, Grian!' 

'EVERYONE! FOCUS!' Joe yelled, standing up. But the Hermitcraft pantomime wasn't over, as Bdubs (dared to by Tango) snuck onstage, behind Scar, and tapped him on the shoulder. Scar let out a small scream, trying to see who it was, and ended up falling over, right into Ren.

'You foul hippie! Get away from me!' Renvolio, back in character again, cried, getting to his feet. Scar scrambled back to his.

'I'm sorry! I don't know what's going on!' 

'If you think this guy is going to lead you safely up those mountains, you're wrong! He'll only end up getting you both killed, and with the safety of everyone in hermitaria at stake, this is the last thing we want to happen. However...' Ren paused briefly, looking back to where Scar was searching desperately through the script Cleo had handed him for the right scene. 'I would get you up there and back in less than a day. What says you, travellers?'

'Pearl, is this a good idea?' Grian whispered/shouted. 

'I don't know. I suppose the only thing we can do is...' a pause.

'Listen, explorers! For I, the great... uhhh... Din Djarin... am here to take you guys on a magical adventure up the... the treesheserous mountains, murdering Doc and returning victorious!'

'Why does everyone want me dead?!' Burst out Doc, still not getting the concept. 

'This man is lying!' Renvolio shot back. 'If you want a real explorer, ally, and maybe even friend, I am the one you should pick to join you!'

'Hold on, are we just ignoring the fact that Scar can't say the word treacherous.' Grian interrupted. 'Or that he's named his character after the Mandolorian?'

'What?!' 

'Yeah, I noticed that too.' Ren agreed. 

'Uhhh 'Scar', what should we do?'

'What? I don't know.' 

'I say we take them both with us.' Grian replied, finally getting into character. 'The more help the better. If we want Doc dead...'

'WHY DO YOU WANT ME DEAD?!' 

'IF YOU TAKE THIS... idiot... with us as well, then you'll end up dead.'

'Well Ren killed Pizza so...' Scar replied. 

'We'll take them both.' Grian decided. 'Come on! Renvolio, Mando... let's go.' 

The group left the stage, Scar following behind just because he could.'

'Cleo! Your line!' Joe called. 

'Scar has my script!' Cleo replied. 

'It's... you're going to pay for your drinks or I break your legs.''

'You're going to pay for your drinks or I break your legs.' Cleo repeated in monotone. Joe sighed, but didn't correct her.

'And... that's scene 3 done... kind of.' 

Started writing, really got into it, looked at word count and realised I've written 900 words...