The Hermitcraft Plays

23: Scariah Carey

Whatever the hermits were expecting when they arrived at the stage the next day, Joe smiling with a shulker of Christmassy block wasn't it. 

'Right.' He started when everyone had arrived. 'We're not going to do any acting today.'

'We're going to go over the song, aren't we?' 

'No, we're going to make this place look good and get everything in place for Sunday.'

'What?' Grian and Scar shared a confused glance.

'We've got an obsidian box, a chest monster, other general mess, creeper holes, and the whole area looks generally bad anyway... and I thought we all needed a break to relax.'

'Who are you and what did you do with Joehills?' Grian asked, crossing his arms.

'Get a box each and start work... there's some snow, decorations, leaves, and other general blocks that can be used...'

'And Christmas music?' 

Joe sighed, pulling out a music box and a shulker of music disks.

'Sure. What first?' 

'I can make it shuffle play.' Offered Cub.

'Yeah, great.' 

So the hermits awkwardly started working, until the Christmas music started playing, when it got a lot more energised, with hermits singing along as they worked. Scar started terraforming the ground, while Wels and Pearl hung tinsel over the stage. Ren started chasing False with mistletoe until Keralis hurried over to him and gave it a peck on the cheek. (Not shipping, just Keralis being Keralis). Christmassy lampposts lined the newly-made path from the actual spawn, where Cub moved the crafting table house and the other chaos of spawn, replacing it with a festive room. Cleo armour-standed the area, chasing hermits when she ran out of heads. Cub managed to stay still enough for her to gain enough of his head to make the classic armour-stand Cub scouts, especially with Scar unable to resist hot-guying everyone, before continuing to landscape the entire area into a winter wonderland. 

And then All I Want For Christmas is You came on and he ran to the stage.

'IIIIiiiiIiiiiIiIIIIiiiiiiii dOn'T wAnT a LoT fOR cHrIsTmAAAs!' Scar began terribly. 'thEEEEEREE iS jUst ONe tHinG i nEeD!'

'Ah shoot, I left some Christmas decorations at my base...' Cub tried to excuse himself by saying.

'If I'm enduring it you are too.' Grian shot back, standing in his way. 'We need to support Scar in all his... ambitions.'

'IiiIII jUsT wAnt yOu FOr mY OwN... mOOOOOrE tHaN yOu cOuLd evEr KnOw...'

'Nah... I really need to go somewhere... else...'

'This is for spreading skulk everywhere on Empires.' Grian shot back. Cub laughed

'AlL I wAnT fOr cHrIStMaAaaS... iiiiIIIIiiIIiiIsssssss.... YooOOoOooöoooôooOoOooooUuüuuuûUUUUUuuùUuüûUuuuū...'

'WOOOOO!' Grian grimaced as he cheered. 'Go Scar!'

'Scariah Carey...' Whispered Cub. Grian looked at him mouth wide in shock at the name.

'Yes. Just yes.'

'BADUBADUBADUBAH!' Scar even did the drum bit.  'I DON'T WANT A LOT FOR CHRISTMAS! THERE IS JUST ONE THING I NEEED! AND IIIII DON'T NEED TO SOMETHING SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW THE WORDS TODAY!' 

'HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THE WORDS!' Grian screeched as Scar continued, now out of time and incorrect. Cub was somehow smiling despite clearly being in pain in ways he didn't even think were possible. All improvements to the already-better area had stopped, except Stress who was cleverly wearing ear muffs as she gave General Gorgeous a top hat and Scar's diamond monocle from Season 7. 

'MAKE MY WISH COME TRUUUUUUUUUUUUuUUuuUuuüüeeeee! ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOOOOOOOOoOOOOoooOoOooOOOOooooOoOooOOOoOoOoo! OoooOOOOooooOoOoOOOooohhh bAbYYYYyYy!'

'This is fine.' Said Joe, for whom it was obviously not fine. 'This is fine.' 

'SOMEONE TURN OFF THE SONG!' Grian yelled. 

'He's enjoying himself!' Protested Cub through his grimace.

'Bit pitchy.' Was the only criticism Tango gave as Scar failed to hit 90% of the notes in verse two. 

'ALL THE LIGHTS ARE SHINING SO BRIGHTLY EVERYWHEEEERRRRRRRE!' Scar bellowed, finally having found the lyrics. And it was at this point that a terrifying thought came to Cub's mind. 

'Grian.'

'What?'

'The high note.'

He didn't talk for a moment. Neither did, as Scar continued.

'SANTA WON'T YOU BRING ME THE ONE I REALLY WANT OH MAKE MY WISH COME TRUUUUUUUEUEE!'

'We still have time to run.' Cub reminded. 'We can still get away from this.'

'I know. I just... we've seen this much... we can finish it.'

'This is just peachy...' Tango was reminding himself in a particularly high voice.

'Oh I jUsT wAnt yoU FoR mY oWn, MoRe tHan YoU cOulD EvEr kNow. MaKe mY wISh cOmE TrUUUUUUUEEE.'

'Brace yourself...' 

'AlL I wAnT fOr ChRisTMaS IIiiIiiiIiiiiiIiIiiiiIIIIIIiiiiiIiIIIIIIIIiiiiiIiiIiIIssssss.... YOooooOOoOOOOoooooOoOoOOOOOOooOOooOoooOOOooOoooOooOOOOooOooOOOoOoOooOOOoOooOOOoOoOOOoOoOoOoOOoOoOOOOOoOoOOOoOoooOooOOoOOOOoOooOOOooOoOoOOOoooOOOOOoOoOoOOoooOoOoOOoOOooOUUuUUuUuuUuUuUUUuUuuuuUuUuUuuuuuUuUuUuUuUUuUUUuUuuUUUuUUuUUuUuUuUuU!' Scar belted completely out of key, voice breaking, before having a coughing fit, collapsing onstage from oxygen loss. A moment later he emerged gasping for air. No one moved, spoke, or asked if he was alright, all too shocked by what they'd just witnessed. The backing cheerfully continued as though nothing had happened. 

'Oh my goodness that was still worse than I thought...' Grian murmured eventually as the backing faded out. No one was clapping as Scar stumbled to his feet, either laughing or still coughing as Fairytale of New York started playing instead. 

'Right... terraforming...' The anti-musician staggered offstage, starting work on the ground again. 

'If anyone sings this too...' Warned Tango.

'Come on guys, my singing wasn't that bad...'

'Yeah... It was worse...' This silenced Scar and he continued placing snow around the path. Etho was building a Christmas Tree and the whole area was looking so much better than before, and much more Christmassy. The armour stand scene Cleo had created now contained Scar freezing to death in an icy pond Bdubs had made, Keralis burning alive on an open fire, and the group of Cub scouts in the middle of snowball fight, with one so covered in snow it was just Cub's head in a pile of snow. Christmas lights hung from street lamp to street lamp, Jevin had made an igloo he was denying everyone access to unless they guessed the correct password (as Cub and Grian was regularly trying and failing at). Joe was still in a good mood, and decided to test this further by playing the backing to the song.

And everyone did sing, even Jevin from within his igloo, but excluding Scar who's been banned from releasing Scariah Carey again. And it went well, so well that Joe said he was feeling 'confident they'd do well in the dress rehearsal the next day' as everyone went to sleep, feeling a lot better than they had previously.