The Hermitcraft Plays

Chapter 5: The Tree-sistance

Yes, I'm changing the style of the chapter titles on purpose now

:D

'Week... 5... I think... 3 weeks of rehearsal left. Grian, Pearl, you're now off script too. Hopefully. And... full costume too. Xisuma, Zedaph... you brought yours in for this scene, right?' 

Xisuma nodded from just offstage, dressed in what looked like his old strider outfit, but with his classic grey helmet. Zedaph was wearing some oversized clothes clearly borrowed from Tango next to him. 

'Is this is the scene where we blow stuff up?' He asked eagerly. 

'That's the final battle. Your other scene. Right, Tango, Zedaph, Xisuma... great, you're all stage right already. Doc, backstage, ready to enter through the middle. And... go!' 

Tango and Zedaph walked onstage, beginning their lines. 

'You didn't tell me Dr Evil wanted the Evil Machine to be finished by today! Come on, Zed-evil!' Tango complained.

'Well, I'm sorry, Doofenshmirtz. But...' Zedaph began snickering mid line. 'I'm sorry, I'm still not over your character actually being called Doofenshmirtz.' 

'What!? It was that or Perry the Platypus...' 

'Continue...' Joe sighed from offstage.

'But Dr Evil set the date forwards by a few days. Apparently the villagers are resisting...' 

'Well, I wasn't told about it. You were supposed to tell me everything.' 

'Hi guys! Dr Evil came to tell you to hurry up a bit, please!' Xisuma basically skipped onstage saying. 'You know how he is when it comes to world-destroying technology...' 

'Yeah... but with our cunning and evil, and our excellent care, we're taking longer than he would expect.'

'Dr Evil said the Evil Machine has to be finished now...'

'Right, Xisuma... you're actually playing an evil person.' 

'I... I am being evil!' Xisuma protested back. 'I'm very evil!' 

'You sound like you should be giving out flowers to people.' 

'Evil flowers, though.' 

'Evil... what?! Tango, Zedaph stop laughing!'

'Evil flowers... I'm going to kill you! Also I'm a flower!' 

'TANGO!'

'For someone who doesn't want to play a tree, you're very good at being an evil plant!' Impulse yelled from the audience. Tango snatched up a copy of the script he was hiding in his inventory and threw it at him. 

'Right, continue scene and- what- what are you doing?' 

Refusing to explain what they were doing, all of the trees (excluding Etho), plus Keralis-the-boosh and Jevin, walked onstage. The latter was holding a sign and looked very unamused. 

'We are trees.' They all chanted, actually in unison. 'We have feelings. We are trees, but we don't want to be. We are trees. We are trees. We are treesisting. We are trees. We are treesisting. We are trees. We are treesisting...' 

'Alright! Enough!' Joe snapped. 'I understand that you're trees, but this isn't your scene.'

'We made our own show.' Iskall interrupted. 'It's better than yours. We quit.'

'A...all of you? But what about the next scene! You're important!'

'As the leader of the treesistance, I officially declare that we will not partake in this play, or play trees ever again.' Jevin cut in. 'Everyone is allowed to join this resistance. Our play will be amazing.' 

'Get off the stage! We're acting here!' Burst out Zedaph. 'This is our scene. Yours is next.'

'We are trees, we are treesisting. We are trees. We are treesisting. We are trees. We are treesisting...' The trees began their chant again, leaving the stage in a line before Jevin followed after. The sounds of their revolution continued until it was inaudible. 

'Right. Tango, Etho, you two are the only trees left. Which means that it'll be impossible for you to sneak off mid scene and change costume... so you won't be able to play Doofenshmirtz I don't think.'

It was fortunate that Impulse and Zedaph were laughing so loudly, since Tango's first response was the f word, followed by several other swear words. 

'I'm not doing that! Like ever! That's stupid and dumb with extra dumbness!'

'Then we're cutting the trees out of the final play.' Joe decided. 'The main characters will meet Cub randomly in the middle of nowhere, we skip the scene with Jevin and Gem, and end our play with 9 scenes.'

'B...but I enjoyed being a tree!' Etho looked over, deeply pained and literally on the verge of tears. 

'There's no right option, is there? There's literally nothing I can do.' 

'Uhh... I don't know... cancel the play?' Tango offered.

'And who's telling Technoblade that?' 

'I don't know!'

'Tango, you keep your role. Etho, you can't be a tree, deal with it.'

At this comment, Etho did begin to cry, standing up and running off to join the rest of the treesistance. 

'Continue the scene from where we left off.'

'Where did we leaf off?' Zedaph asked. 

'I... fine. Restart scene. From the top.' 

'This play's really branching off from your expectations, Joe.'

'We really didn't stick to anything at all...' Tango joined in

'Oh STOP MAKING TREE JOKES!' 

'See? Barking mad.' 

'I wonder if we can get to the root of this problem at all...'

'RESTART THE SCENE OR WE CUT IT.' Joe stood up and yelled. 

Everyone left the stage at this comment, including Xisuma who'd been just standing there confused since they'd been interrupted by the trees. And the scene began again. 

'You didn't tell me Dr Evil wanted the Evil Machine to be finished by today! Come on, Zed-evil!' Tango complained, entering the stage again. 

'Well, I'm sorry, Doofenshmirtz. But Dr Evil set the date forwards by a few days. Apparently the villagers are resisting...'

'Well, I wasn't told about it. You were supposed to tell me everything.'

'Hi guys! Dr Evil came to tell you to hurry up a bit, please!' Xisuma basically skipped onstage saying. 'You know how he is when it comes to world-destroying technology...'

'Yeah... but with our cunning and evil, and our excellent care, we're taking longer than he would expect.'

'Dr Evil said the Evil Machine has to be finished now...'

'Well it's not, because someone didn't tell me Dr Evil had brought forwards the deadline.' Tango glared pointedly at Zedaph. 

'I'm sure it wasn't his fault!'

'EVIL, Xisuma!' Joe called. 

'I'm not Evil Xisuma!' 

'Well- pretend you are.' 

'Really?'

'Yes.'

'Ok.' Still unsure about what he was supposed to be doing, Xisuma pulled out some TNT and a flint and steel. It took a moment for Joe to realise what was happening, but by that point the confused admin had already lit some of the TNT. 

'Wait-wait-wait-wait- no! Stop! Xisuma!' 

Tango blew up

Zedaph blew up

Xisuma blew up

The stage blew up.