The Hermitcraft Plays

17: Snow

Cub woke early the next day to see the water in his base frozen over. Grabbing warmer clothes, he left through Scar's exit to find a heavy snowfall had fallen. So he did what all people should do and started gathering snow into a large snowball. With both hands he carried it as he flew over to the stage.

Footsteps led to where there was a wall of props hiding the stage. Cub stepped closer, aiming.

'Hello?'

A face, just for a second, about to throw a snowball over. With instincts gained from MCC, Cub hurled the snowball at it, and with a loud 'oof' it disappeared again.

'Cub... How could you throw snowballs at people like that... How rude... Jeez Louise...' Scar's voice called from the stage. Cub laughed, stepping over and climbing onto the stage to see him just lying there, face covered in snow. 'How did you even know I was here?'

'Footprints. And the wall of props.'

'Oh yeah...'

'Come on, let's both get whoever comes next.' 

'Ooh! Yeah!' Scar excitedly got back to his feet, waiting with his fellow vex until... 

The sound of someone landing. Before they could even look around, they've faced the barrage of snow.

'SCAR!' Grian snapped as his friend grinned from over the set. 'Right, that's it.' He gathered his own snowball, throwing it back. Scar ducked out of sight, but couldn't avoid the aerial attack from Team ZIT as they landed, ready to join the battle. 

'You might not know this but I'm actually a snowball fightification professional.' Tango boasted, right as Cub recovered enough to snowball him.

'Wait- what?! You're here too?! Since when?' Grian frowned.

'Since I hit Scar with a very large snowball.'

'A very very large snowball...' agreed Scar. The fight continued, and as Grian, Scar, Team ZIT and other arriving hermits battled, Cub rigged a whole lot of snow to fall from above the stage when any unfortunate hermit stood too far back.  At last, when most people were there - excluding Joe - a ceasefire fell and Grian explained the plan.

'Right, I messaged Joe asking for a spare copy of my script because I 'lost mine', but I stole all the copies of it earlier, just in case I needed him to be distracted. We need to have prepared a full on snowball ambush by the time he arrives... alright?'

'I'm up for anything involving annoying Joe.' Cleo immediately agreed. 'Count me in.'

Unsurprisingly, the others also agreed to surprise their exhausted director, and it didn't take long for defences and snowball piles to be made, even with Xisuma, Stress and Iskall getting distracted by making a derpy snowman with a large moustache of sticks. And, when it was done, Grian easily summoned Joe.

Grian: never mind, I found it!

Joehillssays: good.

The hermits all hid quickly, until Joe appeared, landing. 

'Right, I know you're hiding... you've got some big prank... you're going to jump out and attack me...'

'SURPRISE!' Grian yelled, while Impulse blew the 'Surprise!' Horn. The other hermits all followed with the same, except Scar who instead pulled out his bow.

'HOTGUY!'

Joehillssays was shot by GoodTimeWithScar using [HoTgUy]

'ScAR!' 

'What?!'

'THE SCRIPT!' Tango realised a moment later. Instantly, a scramble for the almighty director's script begun. It was instantly chaos, with weapons, snowballs, fireworks and several other hermits ending up Hotguyed by Scar until False appeared victorious.

'Oh! The script!' Scar realised.

'Wait, why were you shooting us?!'

'Chaos!'

'Right, I'm director... and I declare we get today off to play in the snow... and we all have to throw snowballs at Scar.'

Grian was first to complete the task, since he was already holding a snowball, but soon the vex was barraged by snow again, diving for what would've been safety if Cub's snow-trap hadn't activated and sent all the gathered snow on top of him. Everyone laughed, even Scar once he'd got over the cold and the shock. 

'It's- CUB!'

By this point, Joe had returned, justifiably very confused. 

'New plan, go for Joe!' False decreed. Scar scrambled to his feet, hair and clothes white with snow. He, with the help of Cub, soon made a huge snowball, throwing it at the former director. The weight of pure snow unbalanced him, and he was very quickly overwhelmed, pleading for mercy. 

'Alright, alright. Let's stop bullying Joe.'

'Let's bully Grian instead!'

'SCAR NO- C U B! STOP!' The hermits stopped, with Beef sneaking in one last snowball once everyone else had stopped. 

'Right, False is director and...'

'What?'

'Yeah, False is now director. False, what do you want us to do?'

'Enjoy the snow... in character.' She decided, successfully compromising. Joe glared back, but accepted, knowing there was nothing he could do. The hermits accepted this task, or at least Scar did. 

'Everyone! Bow before your almighty god! Stealer of Christmas and ruler of the Hermit Valley!' He declared, climbing onto the pile of props. To which Grian and Ren responded to with more snowballs. 

'I still don't know what's going on!' Doc declared.

'You're with me and Cub.' Scar explained, before getting hit in the face by a very well shot snowball by Wels. His fellow vex politely replied with his snowball dispenser, shooting a never-ending supply of snowballs at the protagonists.

'WHAT IS SNOW?!' Yelled Zedaph, hit to the ground by the attack. Impulse stayed away, talking philosophically about how coldness is only an illusion of the mind, while slowly freezing to death as he decided to remove his thick coat to demonstrate. The third dumb man was faring no better, yelling about skidoodlers while trying to sneak behind the stage and stop Cub and Scar. Pearl was insisting that Ren should stay out of it, right as the protagonist was protecting the mostly confused toy characters and getting constantly hit. But, contrary to the actual plot, it was Hypno and Beef the villagers who successfully snuck onstage, deactivating the snowball death machine with a block of cobblestone. There were loud cheers, until Hypno slipped on ice, dragging Beef offstage with him. Cub removed the cobble block and the chaos continued. 

In front of the stage, Bdubs was threatening everyone but proving unhelpful in stopping any actual damage. Cleo and Doc had joined him and were both proving decently helpful. Stress, the fourth villain, was too busy helping Iskall and Xisuma protect General Gorgeous (the snowman) from harm. Etho was enjoying himself too much, yelling 'SNOW!' and occasionally pelting whoever was closest with snowballs, regardless of who's team they were on. Grian, surprisingly, stood out of the chaos, preferring to sit, sipping some warm beverage while being exceptionally cozy. Until one of Scar's mis-fired snowballs hit him, at which point he became enemy number 1, throwing more snowballs than everyone else combined and succeeding in knocking Scar from his self-made pedestal. 

It was only when the sun had set and most of the snow was cleared away that the hermits resigned to getting warm and sleeping. False handed Joe back his script and everyone ignored the final demands to be offscript by the next morning. 

Aaaaaaaa I need to write more chapters or I'll end up chapterless one day and miss the time to publish.