The Hermitcraft Plays

1: Play 2 electric boogaloo

The first time Joe had declared for everyone to meet no one knew what was going to happen and were mildly optimistic.

The second time they all knew what was to come. 

'If Joe gives me the main part again I swear I'm either intentionally going to learn Scar's part instead or just make his life a complete nightmare.' Decided Grian, landing with Ren outside spawn, where the hermit director was waiting. 

'Hey, we could swap parts dude.' Suggested Ren. 'And you can be whoever I'm cast as.'

'How long do you think it will take for Scar to lose his script?'

'50 seconds. He'll be confused who his character is, ask Cub to help him, forgot he gave the script to Cub and Cub will do Cub things and pretend he doesn't have it until the dress rehearsal.' 

'Uhh... I made a Christmas play for us to do.' Joe called awkwardly from the crafting table monument. 'I've cast you based on how well you did last time... and if you need a spare script, I've got a lot of them.' Unsurprisingly, everyone looked at Scar as he said that, who, whether out of genuine confusion or not, looked behind him to see who they were looking at. 'I'll give you the  rest of the day to read through it and discuss parts and character names. We're going to perform it on Christmas day...'

'That's literally only 25 days!' Complained Grian. 'There's no way we're going to manage anything good in 25 days,:

'Well, we're going to be better this time because of last time.' Joe jumped from the monument, starting to hand out scripts alphabetically. It didn't take long and Grian looked down at the role listed at the top of his. 

'The Christmas God?! What's a Christmas God?!'

'Well, Cub's apparently a Christmas Demon, so I guess Christmas Gods must also exist.' Replied Scar with a shrug. 

'Yeah- but- Ren can we swap?' 

'Sure, dude. I have no idea who I am yet but...' Joe, who was standing nearby casting Mumbo as Mumbo, replied promptly with 'Ren's the main character because he can actually act.'

A pause.

'Scar can we swap?'

'Grian your part is really small. You're... you're basically the Wizard of Oz'

'Joe?' The arrival of an idea from Scar prompted a terrified 'oh no...' from Grian. 'Can I give Grian a really big wizard hat to wear?'

'Absolutely. Now... Pearl...' Joe disappeared to give Pearl her script, before returning with Ren and Scar's. And then, two seconds later...

'CUB WE'RE A VILLAIN DUO!' 

'You're joking. You're- WHY AM I THE ONLY PERSON WITH A BAD PART?!'

'Grian you haven't even read the script yet! You'll really like the part!' Insisted Joe over the extreme Convexcitement from Scar. Ren was already three pages in, muttering aloud his lines and any jokes he found funny. With a sigh, Joe just moved on to giving Stress a reprisal of the Ice Queen from before and then explaining to Tango the trio of the Three Dumb Men (instead of the Three Wise Men) he'd decided Team ZIT were going to be. All in all, it took a lot longer than expected for him to give out everyone's roles and then say. 

'You have time now to read through your scripts, think of character names and tell me anything you're unsure about before we all reconvene for a read through this afternoon. Does everyone understand?' A few nods, including Scar who probably didn't actually know what was going on and just did what everyone else did. 'Then you're free to go.' 

As Joe had said, all the hermits gathered with character names and varying levels of excitement later on, including the Three Dumb Men who'd - trying to stick with the actual Three Wise Men's names - called themselves Caspar the Friendly Ghost, (Impulse) Bazza (Zedaph) and General Melchett from Blackadder. (Tango). Scar had basically told everyone twice that he and Cub were The Christmas Demons/vexes and Joe had told him multiple times that Cub does NOT betray him in the play. Grian's dislike of his part had, as Joe had also told him, had disappeared as soon as he saw his actual lines. 

'Right, we're going from scene one to the end just reading the play aloud, but adding a bit of personality to it if you can... I'll read stage directions. Everyone turn to page 1...' Joe looked over as Scar sheepishly raised his hand. 

'I've lost my script.'

'SCAR!'

'I didn't want to lose it! I just put it down somewhere for a moment and couldn't find it!' Protested Scar as Grian and Cub both started laughing. Joe, who'd apparently foreseen this happening, pulled out a copy of the script from his inventory and handed it to the very forgetful hermit. 

'Now, let's actually start... page 1. Scene 1: In... any town name ideas?'

'Can we just call it The Town?' Grian offered.

'I... sure. Scene one: in The Town. The villagers are onstage, dressed in Christmassy outfits. Ren's character and Pearl's character appear from the side... names? 

'Rendolf the red-shirt dog boi. Or just Rendolf.'

'And... Pearlie?'

'Great. Rendolf and Pearlie appear from the left side.' 

'Do you know what time it is, Pearlie?'

'No, what time is it?' 

'It's Christmas time!' 

'All the villagers woop and cheer... villagers?'

'Yay.' Said a very confused Mumbo, who wasn't even a villager.

'Sure. Pearl?'

'Oh, yeah... I know! Christmas time is the best time of the year! Especially when the Christmas God comes and blesses us with presents!'

'Woo! Christmas god!' Interrupted Scar.

'Scar- we kidnapped the Christmas God.' Muttered back Cub

'I mean... no! Boo! Bad Christmas God! Kill the Christmas God!' 

'Kill the Christmas God!'

'And, since it's Christmas Eve, the Christmas God will appear tonight!' 

Silence.

'Villagers woop and cheer again... right, if it's stage directions like that, I won't read them out.'

'Yay!' Said Mumbo with slightly more confidence.

'Mumbo, you're not even a villager...' replied Grian.

'Yeah... continue scene.'

By the end of day, they still hadn't finished the read through and legend has it they're still there to this day, except Joe eventually decided, halfway through Rendolf's morale-boosting monologue before the final battle, that they'd continue the next day.