I AM WATCHING YOU

CHAPTER : 5

'Life is unpredictable', I mentally laughed. Out of all the unpredictable things, this sure had to happen. Every second of my day was filled with worry. Looking around, trying to find a creep watching me and I'd know it was them. Or someone admitting the prank they played. Never in my 17 years, I was THIS stressed. Not even for my exams.

I sighed, realizing that there was no way out. I wanted to go through everything like a normal kid my age would. I wanted to end this. I always felt drowsy , sad , clueless , scared. My head was exploding with all the emotions clouding my mind. I couldn't think straight.

The doorbell pulled me out of my thoughts. I looked around and sure enough my room was a mess. I got up and wiped my tears with the back of my long sleeved shirt and went downstairs. I opened the door and saw the girl from my literature class.

"Hiii! I'm here for the pro-wait, have you been crying?"

"Do I look that bad?" I said giving her a dead laugh. I was in no mood for any positive energy right now and she certainly wasn't helping.

"No but your eyes looks so tired. Let me help you Sophia."

"No thanks." I opened the door for her so that she could quickly come inside, do the work and leave.

"Everyone needs help. Either you are too naive to realize it or too egoistic to accept it" With that, she smiled and went to the living room.

'Too naive to realize or too egoistic to accept'. Her words kept replaying in my mind. Which one am I? I don't possibly feel like I need her help because she can't help me with my current situation even if she wants to.

I sat on the couch and glanced at her. Her smile seemed so genuine. I thought if I should trust her with all of this. I decided against it as I remembered I didn't even know her name. I didn't know anything about her.

"What's your name?"

"Too early to ask, don't you think?" She said laughing. "It's Bella, by the way."

"Oh. That's a nice name."

"Yeah so let's begin."

"Do you need anything to drink or eat before we start?" She would probably be tired. Might as well, give her something to eat.

"A glass of water would do". She said and I went to the kitchen. I picked up the glass and started filling it. I was barely paying any attention to the water. My thoughts always drifted back to the journal. No matter what I'd do to distract myself, nothing worked. My tears started falling. I placed the glass on the counter and sat on the floor, sobbing. I didn't feel like getting up.

I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I turned around and saw Bella standing by my side comforting me with the words 'Don't cry, it's going to be okay'. As much as I wanted to believe her, I know it wouldn't.

Five minutes later, I finally calmed down.
"Are you going to tell me what happened?" Bella asked with concern in her voice.

I knew she was worried. Even though, it was none of her business, she stuck by me. I haven't known her for years but I knew she was genuine. I decided to tell her everything. After all, 'Everyone needs help. Either you're too naive to realize it or too egoistic to accept it.' Guess I had been naive the whole time.

"It's just that, you know, the feeling when your darkest, scariest nightmare becomes a reality. The feeling that someone is constantly watching you but you have no idea who or how. Getting creeped out by the small details matching your nightmare. This is how I feel right now. And I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling scared. I'm tired of feeling distracted. I'm tired of crying every single minute of every single day. I'm tired of everything. I can't do this anymore, Bella. I can't-"

"Shh it's okay. Cry it out. As much as you want. And after that? Don't cry. Know your strength. You are better than this. Don't let them see your weakness, or if any of this is bothering you. Your weakness is their strength. Understand that. You can go through this, Sophia. If not alone, with me or your loved ones. You are not alone."

I had been sitting there for a really long time. Neither of us spoke a word. I showed her the journal and explained everything.

"Has anything dangerous happened to you after receiving this journal?" She suddenly asked.

"Um no. It's only the entries."

"Hmm" She looked deep in thought. I wonder what she was thinking about.

"Heyy dear, I'm homee!" I heard my mother's voice echoing in the house. I started panicking. She can't see me like this. She'll ask questions which I can't answer yet. I wiped my tears and started finding a place to hide the journal.

"Oh there you are! What are you upto?" She looked up from her phone and after seeing the scene laid in front of her, she frowned. "Have you been crying? Your face is so red. And what's this that you're holding" She started reaching out for the journal but I hid it behind me.

"Honey, why are you hiding it?" She asked with a suspicious look. She snatched it from my hand and I started crying. "Mom! Please! Give it back!"

"What's all this? Who's watching you? Is it a prank?"

When i didn't answer, she said, "Why didn't you tell me this sooner? Sophia, someone's out there watching your every move, and you're trying to hide it from me? I could've helped you"

"NO! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MOM! YOU CAN'T HELP ME WITH THIS. NO MATTER WHAT I DO, IT COMES BACK! IT ALWAYS DOES. YOU'RE NOT THE ONE IN MY SHOES. YOU WON'T GET IT" I screamed with every energy I had left in me. She was taken aback on seeing my outburst.

"That's no way to talk to your mother, Sophia. If i can't help there are other people here. I'm only trying to help you get through this."

"It's not about you. It's not about your intentions. I respect what you're trying to do for me but whatever it is, doesn't help me. Last thing i need to do is piss off the owner of this journal because you're not the one in danger. I am. You'll never know how I feel" I ran out of the house. I ran until my legs felt tired.

I looked up to the sky and screamed, "WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS"

"Bad things happen to good people. You're not the one to blame" I turned around and saw Bella standing there. Oh no, I totally forgot about her.

"I'm so sorry. I left you in there."

"It's alright. Your mom cares about you, Sophia. Don't push others. Let them help you"

"I want to but I'm scared."

She smiled and stood next to me. It felt good knowing she understood what I was going through.

"Let's lift up your mood" She looked at me excitedly.

"How?"

"You'll see" I followed her. We reached a small shop. The walls were painted violet. And it looked really pretty. There were a very few customers inside. Guess it wasn't popular enough.

"We'll have two hot chocolates, please" I heard Bella order our drinks. I trailed behind her till we reached a booth.

The back walls of the shop were filled with papers. I heard Bella clear her throat. I looked at her and she said, "People who are sad, or troubled, who have family problems and need an escape come here and write their feelings on a piece of paper and stick it up on the walls. I made you come here to do the same. It might not solve your problems but it'll help clear your mind."

She handed me a piece of paper and pen. I decided to give it a try and started writing. I wrote everything I was feeling. And it felt good. First time in days, I smiled. A genuine smile. Bella looked proud of what I had done. She picked up the paper and sticked it on the wall. We drank our hot chocolate, talked a little and when it was getting dark, we decided to head back home.

"Thank you so much for today. I don't know what I'd have done without you today." I said and meant every word.

"I'm happy to have helped you. See you tomorrow." I watched her retreating figure and turned towards my door. I need to apologise to my mother, I thought.

I went inside to find my mother laying on a pool of blood. I screamed on top of my lungs and hurriedly pulled out my phone and called the ambulance.

"Why me" I whispered to myself and fell on the ground.