All This Time

Chapter 40

I was restless all night. I barely had any sleep.

I know I told Bucky I would go with him confidently, however, I couldn't help but worry. Everything about today made me nervous and my nightmare last night didn't help.

*

"Bucky! No!"

I watched as he fell from my grasp into a deep shadowy abyss. His hand was the last thing I saw as I sobbed uncontrollably.

"No!"

"No!" I say shouting as I sit up in a rush in my bed.

I tried to calm myself by taking the same multiple deep breaths I always take after a nightmare.

What I didn't expect was Bucky's arms wrapping around my body. I had completely forgotten that he was sleeping with me.

"Hey-hey..what's wrong?" He asks in a groggy voice moving my hair from my face and holding me by the face trying to grab my attention. He looked like I had just woken him up which I hated.

I couldn't form a sentence, I just kept shaking my head until he pulled my head to his shoulder and held me close.

He didn't ask me after that what I dreamt of which I greatly appreciated.

~

"You okay?" He asks me as we sit in silence eating breakfast.

I'm not gonna lie and act like this is normal because not any of the other times we've had breakfast was I this quiet.

I'm just worried and tired.

So tired.

"Yeah," I say with I'm sure a very convincing smile.

He just keeps a straight face towards me and I can't look at him any longer so I look down at the cereal I'm not eating.

"You're not eating your breakfast," he says reading my mind.

"Hmm...I'm not really hungry," I say pushing the plate away.

"We'll you're gonna need all the energy. Sam told me he'll text me later today with the location he's sure Karli will be at. If you're gonna join me I need you to have a good breakfast," he says poking my nose, making me smile.

I look at him and contemplate being one hundred percent for a moment.

"Can I be honest with you?" I break.

"Always," he says with a calm smile that just makes me want to kiss him and forget about what I'm going to say.

I take a deep breath and his face contorts to a bit of a worried expression.

"I don't want you to go to this. I don't want to do this. I want to ignore it and just be here. You and me, finally spend the time we missed and enjoy life and not worry about all this other stuff," I said causing him to just look at me with an expression I can't read.

He opens his mouth but I continue before he can say anything.

"And before you say anything I know how selfish that sounds but I'm just afraid and I don't want to lose you because I just got you back into my life and I love you."

I finish rambling on and he just stares at me for a moment I wonder if he'll just tell me there's nothing to be worried about. That I'm thinking too much about it. That it'll be fine.

That's when he chuckles.

"You're laughing," I say as he continues with a big smile. "That doesn't seem right.."