Forki One-Shots

Where The Heck Did You Get A Baby?

Joel hummed softly as he unlocked the front door. The baby gargled contently.

Inside was madly loud. No surprise there; on for KING & COUNTRY's own, they were deafening, with Colton Dixon and co., you could hear them 17 miles away.

"Where the heck did you get a baby?"Ben asked, spotting them. "Ohf-"

He hit the ground.

"I'm so sorry!"Colton exclaimed.

Everyone-baby included- looked down at him. A bottle of ranch, with sauce pouring out of a puncture in the middle, lay next to him.

"Micheal Colton Dixon,"Joel said calmly.

"Ooh, you got Michealed!"Vince exclaimed.

This made the baby very happy. She flailed her arms and slobbered a kiss onto Joel's face.

"Whose kid is that?"Colt asked.

"Mine,"Joel replied.

"Expand,"Vince said.

"Can't, I've been working out my abs."

"Not what I meant. Explain, you doofus."

"Secret girlfriend?"Timmy suggested.

"I thought he was seeing that Morice chick,"Vince said.

"Moriah. And anyway, that's a negative."

"You broke up?"the Duke asked.

"Nah...it's on-off."

"Shouldn't we, uh, wake up Ben?"Colton asked, changing the subject.

"Funny coming from you, you knocked him out."

Colton turned red. "Please."

"Let him sleep,"Joel said, looking at the unconscious man.

"Where's the kid from?"the Duke asked.

"You're not gonna believe it, but Moriah's sister's friend's hairdresser's dogsitter's lawyer's Barista's drug dealer-"

"Drug dealer?"Vince asked.

"Pharmacist."

"Oh, okay."

"Toddler's teacher's ex-husband's mother gave her to me."

Everyone stared at him.

"Where did she get the kid from?"Vince asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"Walmart."

"Of course."

"What are you naming her?"Vince asked.

"Wilhelmina,"Joel replied.

The baby bit his ear.

"That's a no, then,"the Duke commented.

"Cabbage?"Colton offered.

"I'll decimate you,"Joel threatened.

"Astrid?"The Duke tried.

"Works."

Ben stood up slowly, his joints aching. He stretched, then did a double take when he saw the child.

"Where the heck did you get a baby?"