Forki One-Shots

Luke Accidentally Kills Someone

"Why is he here?"Luke whispered, sliding into his seat beside his brother.

"Like I know,"said brother mumbled miserably.

The "he" in question was Talmadge McGulager, their new manager. Ironically, the 80-year-old crank should have been long retired, like their father and former manager now was. But retirement hadn't suited McGulager and he had taken up the role David Smallbone had vacated.

Unfortunately.

The man was a menace, to put it lightly. He controlled and angered the guys, and nearly made Ben quit after the manager attempted to rip a fistful of blonde hair from his head. It had taken three hours of begging from the guys and Joel's small two-year-old daughter to get him to stay.

"This new album is too worldly,"Talmadge began. "It's Satanic."

"Oh, boo,"Joel muttered, his face in his hands.

"You need to do better, to be holier."

"Piss off,"Ben snapped under his breath.

"Get rid of the women artists. They'll cause men to sin. Women shouldn't be singers, they'll make themselves and others go to hell."

"Jerk. Jerk. Jerk,"Daniel muttered.

"If you don't change the songs, we'll scrap the whole project and write a devotional!"

Luke snapped. Shaking, he stood up.

"Listen, old man,"he began.

Ben's mouth dropped. The others were similarly shocked. Luke was never like this. The most shocked, however, was Talmadge McGulager.

"Luke-"

"Shut. Up. I've had enough. You come in and boss us around because you're an insecure old sack on a power high. Women do not cause others to sin if they sing. If they cause you to, then that's on you. And we will write our songs as we please, wordly or not. And if you have a problem, then I suggest you drop dead!"

Several gasps. This Luke was new. Different. Scary.

"I- I-"Talmadge stuttered. Then, he dropped.

Even more gasps. Luke looked scared.

Joel knelt beside the man. "McGulager. Get up."

He slapped his face. "That felt good."

"There's no pulse,"Ben confirmed.

Luke paled.

Three Days Later

Courtney held her husband as he cried into her shoulder. The band guys, unhelpfully, laughed.

"Come on, Luke, get over it,"Joel said.

"Yeah, man, it's been three days since you killed McGulager,"Ben added.

Courtney glared at him.

"I mean, three days since Talmadge unfortunately passed."

"You did us a favor, man,"Daniel told him.

"And the rest of the world,"Joel added.

"I-I killed someone. That's a sin. A big sin. I could go to hell!"Luke exclaimed, horrified. He shot up. "I could go to jail."

"Lukey pukey, come on,"Joel said. "The guy was old. He had a heart attack."

"Because of me."

"Look, we'll go to his funeral. It'll be fine."

"That doesn't make it right. It doesn't undo what I did."

The Funeral

"Talmadge McGulager was..."Luke began, "an interesting man."

"Where is he going with this?"Vince asked.

"To Nebraska,"Ben replied.

"He served a lot of people..."

"Who, exactly? Satan?"Joel muttered.

"...and was an active part of the community."

"An active terror, was he,"Daniel added.

"He was a man of God and...oh, screw this. I quit,"Luke said.

Everyone sat up, silent.

"Luke?"his older brother whispered.

"Talmadge McGulager sucked."

People gasped.

"He was rude. He was disrespectful. And he was a condescending con descending into hell."

One lady clutched her literal and metaphorical pearls. The pastor looked horrified.

Luke leaned into the mic. "And I'm glad I killed him."

Mic drop.

After the Funeral

"Luke,"Joel said.

"My guy, what was that?"Vince asked.

"I'm proud of you,"Ben said, slapping him on the back.

"Luke James Smallbone,"David Smallbone said, appearing behind them.

He ran.