Agent Songbird | j.hs

Chapter 32

Hoseok POV

People are creatures of collectivity. We flock. Birds of a feather flock together. We feed off of each other. Our energy tends to match the level of those around us for the sake of not standing out.

And some people are more influential than others at creating this mood. The mood makers. The ones typically with a lot of confidence that make it comfortable for you to gauge the feeling meter and associate your mood accordingly.

Eun Suhyun was one of those people. In a different way but it worked out the same. She wasn't often a positivity bubble because that just wasn't her style, but she did inspire confidence in those around her. Assurance from her made everything feel like it was going to work out. She was a calm person and you always felt calm around her.

So when the calm personality gets thrown in limbo and gives way to a version of her you've never seen, it can be rattling. Paranoia. I had never seen her so paranoid before. Consumed by a fear so great that it threw the mighty Songbird for a loop.

It worries me because she wouldn't tell me what was going on. But at any given point she was circling me like a security guard and the president. And if she wasn't, her mind would be off a million miles away. She'd space out, or go on autopilot to do basic things.

I watched her pace around the room in a nervous frenzy, barely registering that I was there with her.

I couldn't bare to watch her pace any longer, so I stepped in front of her, making her literally run right into me because she wasn't paying attention.

"Woah, hey! Is everything okay? Did something happen?" She asked frantically.

"Yeah, something did happen. You. You're acting crazy but you won't tell me what's wrong aside from the fact that you can't protect me," I sighed.

She exhaled deeply, seeming to be a hairline less anxious.

"Sorry to make you worried," she deflated. I had never seen her look so defeated while trying to problem-solve all at once. She always seemed to have it together, so it was really obvious that she was forcing it and was actually falling apart.

"I just want you to tell me what's going on. We promised," I pleaded.

She gave a halfhearted smile before releasing it in a sigh of defeat. She gingerly took my hand and slowly guided it to her abdomen.

Her expression was hesitant and her eyes held a fearful pain in them.

She stopped moving my hand around a specific spot, tightening the grip around my wrist for comfort. She placed my hand on the area right above her hip where I'd probably hold if we were embracing.

"It's been only a few months since this happened. But I remember exactly how it went down every time I see the scar. I have nightmares about it. It's almost like I can feel the searing pain every time. I was lucky they were awful at shooting, but had that bullet struck any lower, and it could've been a totally different story."

"I won't let that happen to you again. You know that," I said.

She shook her head, "That's not what I'm saying. The things I went through scarred me forever. I'm very self-aware of the fact that I'm good at putting up a front. But I was terrified to come back to this job because of that."

"So why-"

"Aw come on rookie. You mean to tell me you forgot the very first thing I taught you?"

How could I forget?

That day was single-handedly one of the most terrifying yet meaningful days of my life.

She told me to never bury my fear away. Because that would just weigh me down and be a bigger burden than if I embraced it. Use my fear and adrenaline to persevere. I was certain she'd find me to be weak after that, but every time she'd get close, I think my heart would leap out of my chest.

She smiled softly, "I don't give advice without following my own. Sometimes it's hard to embrace that one, but it's why I told you it was one of the most important ones. Because the hardest thing to learn is to not be your own roadblock. The fear I feel isn't for me. Maybe a little but there is something much more precious to me than my own life. Yours."

"Su-"

She tilted up to give a begrudgingly short peck to my lips before resting her head on my chest.

I instinctively shrouded her in my arms, the embrace fitting us like puzzle pieces.

"I know you say that you're fear is for me...but I know you. And I know that unlike what people may think, you're not so anti-life. You have a reason to stay alive. You truly don't want to die. Sae has been guiding you this whole time, and she's strayed you from that. I know it. You have your parents. Your job. Your friends. And me. And I know you fear losing that. But more so, you fear losing yourself. You're resilient like that."

I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "The only reason you'd be worried for me is if our cover was blown. I couldn't imagine anything else could possibly freak you out as much. But hey, look at me, I'm not worried. I never am when I'm around you. Because I trust you. And I know you trust me. So let's trust our trust. The only ones going away hurting are them."

"The gala is coming up...and we have no support from the bureau. The boss is refusing to send anyone. We're caught in between a rock and a hard place," she frowned.

"No we're not. What we are, is Agent Songbird and Agent Neuron. And if we aren't getting the support we need, then we'll make do with ourselves. When there's a problem, what's the first thing you do?"

"Plan?"

"You remain calm. And then you plan," I hummed, caressing her cheek with my thumb.

"So that's what we're going to do. We're going to stay calm, and come up with a plan. And then...we're going to get out of here. Alive. And together."

She nodded her head, holding me tightly for reassurance.

I promise Suhyun. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe.