Dirty Little Secret

Chapter Forty Seven: Release

I groan and sit up. Grace is next to me, fast asleep. I untangle myself from the duvet and Grace, she's a cuddly sleeper. My lamp is on so I can see my reflection faintly in the mirror. I walk over and look into my mirror. I almost gasp at my reelection. I look exactly how I feel.

Shit.

My eyes are red a swollen. Huge black bags under them. I'm pale all over my face. I look tired and worn. Black make up is smudged all over me. My hair is tangled and knotty.

I sigh and attempt to run my hands through my hair, I'm unsuccessful. My hand gets stuck.

My stomach growls. I don't actually feel hungry... Just... Empty. I don't feel I need food. But the growling continues. If I don't eat I'll wake up Grace...

I quietly walk out. What if Adam's awake? Oh God... I can't face him. I'd puke. And cry.

I turn to see his closed bedroom door. My stomach churns and my chest tightens. Tears sting my eyes as memories of the love in that room comes back to me. His touch. The pleasure. I pull my eyes away and continue downstairs. There's a few left over cups and bottles from last night in the lounge and loads on the kitchen counter.

I open the cupboards. As I root through the cupboards my stomach keeps growling and growling. I settle on a cereal bar.

I put the wrapper in the bin and begin to eat it. Once all of it is gone, my stomach shuts up. I look down and see a sticky note.

"Morning babe. I've gone to Tom's I'll see you later tonight. I love you. X"

I can feel tears down my cheek. My stomach squeezes tightly and I turn and rush to the sink. My throat burns and my eyes sting as vomit pours from my mouth.

I give a final cough and turn on the tap. I get a glass of water and sip it.

If this is what his hand writing does to me... What will I do when I see him? Faint? Crumble? I've already crumbled...

How could he wrote that he loves me? I saw him. With her. Playing tongue hockey. Betraying me. Breaking me. Cheating on me.

Loving somebody means you don't cheat right? That's the while point of having a girlfriend. You don't kiss other girls.

I guess he just couldn't push down his inner man whore.

"I hate him. I hate him. I HATE HIM."

More tears fall down from my eyes and my chest aches. My body shakes and boils with anger.

"I HATE HIM!" I scream.

I grab the glass and throw it. Some of my anger evaporates as i hear and see it shatter. Water and glass cover the kitchen floor. I crumple down onto my knees. Still shaking. Still crying and screaming and sobbing.

I want it out. This pain and frustration. I want to be free. Released.

My mind goes blank. I reach forward and take a piece of shatter glass with my shakey hands.

I've heard it helps. I've heard it makes you feel free. I've done my stomach. That was punishment. This one is release.

"AMY!"

I look up. Through the blurs of my years I see red hair rush towards me.

"Fuck... Fuck." She mutters as she pulls me into her arms.

I look up to her. Everything is blurry. And darker.

"Amy you fucking idiot! How fucking deep?! Shit Amy."

I look down to my arm. It feels warm. My pale skin is open. Blood tricking down. I open my hand. A bloody piece of glass falls down onto the floor.

"I'm sorry Grace..." I whisper.

I feel her tears drop down onto me. I shut my eyes tight and her arms tighten around me. I cry into her while she strokes my hair and comforts me.

I look up at her. She gives me a weak smile. I look at her and try to smile back. Her face spins. A few black spots appear. I hear buzzing in my ears. Confusion crosses over her spinning face and then the black spots get bigger and bigger.

Eventually everything goes black and the ringing stops.