Kya Maiden of the Sea Book 3 ATLA

Chapter 10

After the other day Zuko and I stopped running into each other. Zuko from what I could tell was constantly in his room, he was probably thinking about what happened that night. Kaito and I continued the same as we always did, and the palace staff treated me as horribly as ever. They would now serve me less food and give me bitter tea to drink instead of water. One night they even gave me only a small bowl of rice n a pigs bone for dinner. I tried my best to not get annoyed, just keeping quiet as if nothing happened.

During my time alone I would occasionally run into Mai in the royal library but I would just smile at her then leave. I just felt uncomfortable with the amount of hate she held for me. But I couldn't lie, I was also jealous of Mai who followed Zuko around from time to time.

The hours passed by once more, it was the evening but not late enough for the moon to be at its highest, midnight, my mind lost itself in what those court ladies repeated every morning for weeks. My mind felt like it was splitting, maybe Azula was right, I should just listen to her, who am I to believe that I can change things? I cant even protect myself, no, your family is still out there they need you, stay strong and trust your self. How? What an I supposed to do? I don't know. I don't feel like I even know who I am anymore.

I was becoming complacent with the life I was living. Something I swore to myself I wasn't going to do. I hated myself for it. But a small part of me also convinced that it was okay.

"Ah!" I yelled out as I fell to the ground holding my head.

I was confused and lost. I felt like a pathetic loser. The room started spinning as I gasped for air on the ground hoping no one would hear. I was scared, I felt fear. I feared losing myself, who I really was, fear of losing the love I learned to accept, losing Zuko, losing my family. I didn't know what to do to make myself feel better. I bit my hand as I felt a tear go down my face.

I don't want to lose again. I want to find myself, I want to keep loving the world. I want to love myself. Please, I don't want to keep losing. I'm so scared.

Through the screaming in my head a loud crash came from the entrance of the door, Kaito dropped a tray that held a teapot n a pair of cups. She rushed to me as I coughed. I was afraid, she'll tell Azula, raced through my mind. It'll all be over. I was in a state of panic. I gripped her shoulders as she tried to help me up.

"Don't tell Azula," I gritted out,"Please, she can't know,"

Kaito watched me with sorry eyes. She still did her best to carry my dead weight to my bed.

"Please, don't tell her," I said catching my breath.

The room got warmer as she just nodded. I sat on my bed, holding my head as the loud noises started to fade. Kaito rubbed my back softly. My head hurt less as I started to space out. I was too overwhelmed to think anything anymore, just a stabbing pain in my heart. The loud noises I was just hearing a few seconds ago turned into nothing. I looked up to the ceiling, wishing that I hadn't broken down infront of Kaito, or myself.

"I feel like you hurt yourself more hiding who you are then when your honest with yourself," I heard Kaito say as my hearing slowly started coming back.

I looked to her confused. Is this her way of trying to console me? What is she trying to get out of this?

"Why should you care?" I asked as she stopped patting my back. Kaito laid on my bed looking to the ceiling.

"I don't know," Kaito sighed,"I just want to know what it means to love so much you'd go this far for them,"

"I don't know what your talking about," I lied in a mutter.