Drowning In The Past

Chapter 18- Memories bring back a monster called insecurity.

(Sia's pov)

After our talk last night, Ace was acting extra sweet, and very supportive. It was his way of showing that he was there for me and that he always had my back, even when things seemed impossible and difficult. I guess all my trust issues and insecurities were coming back after meeting Luke again after so long.

Luke had mentally broken me down so much that I attempted suside and if it weren't for my twin and my best friends I would've died that fateful night.

"You...I gave you everything, yet you decided to fool around with Lucas and Justin." Luke screamed, not slowing his pace in whipping me with the belt.

Tears were streaming down my face, and I had no strength left to fight him. I had given up a long time ago. However good of a street fighter I may be, I could never beat him, because he knew my weakness. I didn't even want to try and explain myself, as I knew that that would end up in me being beaten up even more.

I just waited for him to get tired and go away. After an hour of being insulted in the worst way possible and being beaten up to the point where I could no longer feel any parts of my body, Luke left. This is my breaking point, this is where Alessia, the feared underground street fighter breaks and all because of Luke.

I used to take antidepressants because of my anxiety and depression, and at that moment I could only think about being free and happy like I used to be. Another thing I started after Luke became abusive was cutting. I used to cut but then I met Lucas, Justin, Elizabeth and Luke and I started dating Luke, so I stopped cutting. But they say that old habits die hard, and my old habit never died, it just went dormant for a few weeks.

Filling the bathtub up, I gulped down the whole bottle of the antidepressant, and started cutting myself after situating myself in the tub, fully clothed. I made huge cuts all over the lengths of my arms and legs. Due to the extreme blood loss, I couldn't really remember anything but I did remember Max and Justin coming in and yelling my name, trying to find me.

Coming into the bathroom, I could hear Justin yelling at me to stay away, while he called someone, and Max was just sitting by me, mumbling about how he couldn't live without his twin, his other half.

Blacked out I had no idea where I was, I could only hear Max, Justin, Lucas and Liz's voices. All crying or trying not to break down. I could hear them all day. And after what felt like an eternity, I felt like I could finally move.

When I opened my eyes for the first time in those 6 months, I found everybody, Lucas, Max, Justin, and Liz, all sitting there. Justin and Lucas were doing their homework while Max and Liz were quietly talking amongst themselves. When I suddenly cleared my throat, everybody rushed towards me, dropping all what they were doing just a few moments prior.

Giving me a glass of water, Max held my hand and just embraced me in a warm and well needed hug. I could hear Liz crying and I could see the few tears rolling down both Lucas and Justin's cheeks. Sitting upright, I extended my arms, indicating that I wanted a group hug.

A few moments later, Justin croaked out, "Why would you do something like that Sia? Do you have any idea what I would have done, what about your friends and your twin, huh? And the cherry on the cake, you were being abused for bloody 4 months but no, you decided to hide that as well. Well done Alessia, you have messed up royally."

Enraged, I managed to spit back, "Yeah, well I had no choice alright. I didn't want you guys to feel burdened with my shit. I can manage stuff on my own, and that's what I'm planning to do in the future."

"Oh yeah, do tell me Alessia, what burdens can't you share with us. Please enlighten me on how you wish to keep every damn thing to yourself till you burst and then, then end up in a damn hospital with bloody cuts on your arms and legs." Max yelled out, shaking with fury. He had been silent until now but now when he burst out, I could see the pain, and the hurt that he was hiding behind anger.

But I couldn't explain that I didn't want to live anymore.

Blowing the air out of my mouth, shaking my head slowly, I looked down. I didn't want my friends to look at me when I was crying. I didn't want them to be here, when I was looking so weak and pathetic. I was tired, so tired of all the bullshit that was going on in my life.

That was my breaking point, and I still cannot process the events from that day. But here I am, with a loving and caring family, brothers that are available to my beck and call, a twin whose top priority is me and my happiness, supportive and understanding best friends and lastly a boyfriend who stuck around and still does after knowing I'm messed up.

Wiping the tears that ran down my face when I remembered that day, I got up from my comfortable seat on the porch and made my way inside, only to be tackled in a warm hug by my twin. As if he could read my mind, he said, "Don't even go there. You are safe here, and if Ace doesn't love you and accept you with all the baggage that you carry then he is not the one for you. Besides, there are enough guys in your life to last you a lifetime, you don't need anybody other than your brothers."

Smiling, I shook my head at his cute and over-protective behavior of always wanting to protect me. I just pressed a kiss on his cheek and dragged him to the dining room where everybody was currently assembling to have lunch. 

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~Fangurl<3