Drowning In The Past

Chapter 43- Big, life changing decisions.

(Sia's pov)

I don't think I had any words to describe the grief that I was feeling at this point. When Will hugged me, I didn't hug back, I couldn't hug back. When I was wrapped up in a warm blanket, I couldn't do anything. I didn't respond. I could hear my brothers ask me many questions, but I had only one thing playing in an endless loop. I hurt the one person who cared about me the most.

Suddenly, I felt Alex shake me, and that was when I burst out of my bubble, and focused on him. "What is wrong with you? You leave the house without informing others, you are god knows where, and then when you return at night, you are drenched to the bone." He seethed.

"I ended things with Ace." I couldn't show any emotions. It felt as though I could not feel anything. I was numb with pain. "You did what?" I heard Max question from somewhere behind my brothers.

"You really... Why did you do that?" He tried once again, but I wasn't in the mood to answer.

Shrugging, I got up and made my way up to my room, with my shoulders shaking a little indicating that I had been crying. All this was taking a toll on me, whether I wanted to admit it or not. I had been in my room, going to all the pictures and polaroid I had of Ace and I, and the more I saw, the harder I cried.

I had to erase him out of my life completely. With that thought in mind, I began removing all his clothes from my closet and put it up in a box. All this was followed by the pictures we took. I put them all in the box, except one, which we had taken on my birthday. Lastly, I put all the gifts he had given me in the span of our two year relationship, including his family ring and engagement ring. I just couldn't keep my tears at bay, and at one point, I even had a bad anxiety attack because of this.

After some time of just mourning, I went to the bathroom, where I knew I kept my blade. Although I had stopped self harm, I still kept the blade in case something was to happen. Never would I have thought I would go back to my old practices. I need to breathe, I am calm. I was in a middle of a panic attack when Max suddenly rushed in with Justin and Lucas.

Sitting me down on the toilet seat, Max held my hand to his heart, which caused me to drop my blade. "Feel my heartbeat, and try to match yours with mine." He said calmly.

Justin crouched down next to me and  could hear him say, "Now that you are calm Sia, I want you to spot four things for me."

"The bed, Ace's box, my closet, and my table."

"Next would be three things you can feel."

"Max's heartbeat, your hand, and the toilet seat."

"Two things that you can smell."

"Lavender perfume, and Max's deodorant."

"Good job! Now, are you okay standing up for me." He questioned softly, gauging my reaction to each question he asked. With that, Lucas scooped me up in his arms, and laid me down on my bed, and tucked me in. All the boys then sat around my bed, waiting for me to start.

When I didn't, Max took the initiative to ask, "Why exactly did you have a razor in my hand? I thought you were past that." He sounded upset, and slightly disappointed.

"I ummm... Things got too overwhelming up here," I pointed towards my head, "And  swear, I wasn't going to do anything. I am past that, but given the recent events, my head got too dark, and for the first time, once again I felt I was all alone." I said truthfully. There was no point hiding and lying anymore.

"Why did you call things off with Ace?" Lucas softly asked, trying not to panic me.

"I just learnt not to be too selfish, and put my happiness over my family. I did what I thought was right." I said, my voice strong. Truth be told, I just wanted to get away from home for a while. That way, I could keep my mind away from him, and get over him. 

There was an unusual kind of silence, where Lucas, Justin and Max pondered over my words, while I thought about how I could convince my family to send me to Italy, to be with my grandparents for a while. Most of our family lived in Italy, including my grandparents and cousins, so I could live with them, train with them, and get my life back together and on track.

Max was silent for a while before saying, "I know you still love him, because just two nights back, we had a talk about how I accepted your relationship, and you were gushing on and on about your future, and the next day...Boom. You call things off with him. And I know for a fact that you did this because of Xander, Elijah, Alex and Will."

"I will not justify my actions. Besides, I think I need to talk to Vice about some important things." I replied, and slowly got out of my bed. I didn't think the boys were able to catch up to my spontaneous behavior, because when I rushed out of my room, they didn't follow me.

I raced towards Vince's office, and barged in without knocking. He looked up, startled and a little shocked, because nobody would dare to come into his office without knocking.

"I want to move to Italy to be with grandpa and grandma for some time." I rushed out. Without giving him a chance to speak, I continued, "I feel very suffocated here, and I need to get away from you guys, him, my friends, everybody."

I could see that he was about to protest, when I raised my hand, in a silent gesture to stop him. "Vince, I wasn't asking your permission for this one. I was telling you that I will be going to Italy."

"I did not tell you to call things off with Ace, I never asked you to do anything. In fact, if I remember correctly, I did allow you and gave my blessing for you to marry him. You will not be going to Italy, and that is final." He said calmly, completely disregarding all that I had said to him before.

"WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND. WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS CONTROL MY LIFE. I HAVE BEEN SO SELFISH, I'VE HURT XANDER, AND I'VE HURT ALEX, AND I'VE HURT WILL, AND I'VE HURT ELIJAH. I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM EVERYTHING, BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO SEE THE DISAPPOINTED FACES OF YOU ALL EACH TIME I AM AROUND. I HATE MYSELF RIGHT NOW, AND I NEED TO GET AWAY BEFORE I HURT MYSELF." I cried. I had given up completely. Everything was falling apart, and I was the cause of it.

Vincent rushed forward to comfort me, and I allowed myself to get comfortable in his arms. "Bambina, I am not okay with you going to Italy, because you would be too far away from me, to protect you if anything wrong were to happen. I didn't know you were feeling this way. If you really want to go, then I won't stop you, but you must promise to return back to us safely." He whispered softly.

I nodded, "So it's decided, I will leave for Italy tonight. I don't want to stay here for another minute anymore. Please do not mention this to anybody, not even Max. They will try to change my mind, but it will be of no use." I was hiccupping, I had cried too much, but now I will get better.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Soo... its decided that she will be moving to Italy. What do you think happens to Ace and Sia now? What happens to her relationship with her brothers? Do you think will go to Italy with her or let her be on her own.

Please comment and vote :)

~Fangurl<3