In the Dead of Winter || •PJM• ✔️

Hail and Farewell

Day 860

Not long after the passing of Jungkook and the escape from the Ranglers compound, the school is still holding up okay. Namjoon's leading much to his own dismay since Jimin decided the school is much better without him as a leader. You personally don't know how to feel about it, mostly because you're still mourning the loss of the one you held closest to you. It pains you most to have to talk about him in the past tense.

Regardless of that, you lift the dumbbell and don't scream this time. You've been training your left hand to make up for your newfound disability. You've suffered two losses within such a short period. Maybe three. First, and the worst, is Jungkook. Second is of course your hand. The third is your ability to do hair. It was the one thing you had a great passion for, and of course the universe spit on you by taking that away too. The one thing that could've gotten you through mourning Jungkook, and it's gone like him.

Jimin, Ves, your school, and Jungkook's jacket. That's what you have left. That's a lot of things, a lot of people, and you feel selfish for thinking it's not enough. However, guilt doesn't stop you from thinking it: it's not enough. Nothing's ever enough anymore, not since Jungkook. With loss, especially a loss like that, nothing ever helps. A traumatic loss like that is something that doesn't get better. There's a difference between it getting better, and being able to live with it. You're in the stage of trying to get to the point where you can stop crying. You're not there yet, you still cry once a day and go to his grave. The grave void of any body since you haven't found him yet.

Your room is the same as Jungkook's grave. Except instead of it being empty in the sense that nothing's there, it's empty in the sense that no more emotions are left. They're all gone. They flew out the window, never to return. The only thing left is you, lifting the weight Jimin gave you. If you're hurting physically, maybe the emotional pain will go away a bit. It hasn't worked, but it's worth it to keep trying. It's not like you deserve to sit back and relax anyway.

The pain in your right arm hasn't stopped yet. It's not that it's excruciating, but you definitely have the phantom pain. When your stub moves, it's like your hand is still there. But it's gone. In a recycling bin somewhere, probably. You're unsure what Katherine did with the remains, and you commend her for being able to pull off such a surgery while coping with the loss of the person who was supposed to be next to her while she did it.

Another thing you're unsure of is how Katherine felt about Jungkook. You're leaning more towards the idea that she saw him as a great friend, but it's possible she had romantic feelings for him. Who wouldn't? Jungkook was strong, loyal, and brave. Most of all, he was passionate. He had passion for everything he did, no matter what. Even if he was bad at it, he still did it with all his effort and gave it all his attention. That same energy applied to you. He took care of you, gave you all his energy. All his passion.

You let the weight drop to the ground, your arm stinging from the sudden loss. Your eyes remain on the wood that makes up your floor, the world fading in and out. It's like there's a hurricane occurring inside the walls of your mind, only this storm is never-ending. The odds of it changing its course are slim to none. Deep down, you know you'll be in pain until the day you die. Honestly, that sounds pretty okay right about now. Dying, you mean.

To make matters worse, for the first time in years, there's hope for a cure. You wouldn't be surprised if Yoongi starts prancing down the halls in a few minutes, bragging about how he found a cure using Ves's blood. Of course he would find something right after you got bit. Of course he would. You laugh at the thought, but the humor in it is nonexistent. Like the rest of your emotions.

Dying doesn't seem too bad. You don't fear death anymore, especially since you have someone waiting on the other side. More than one person. Fiona, Jungkook. Who's next? If Jimin or Ves die, you're going with them. They're the two keeping you here. You love your other friends, but Jimin, Ves, and Jungkook are the three you love more than anything. And now since one of them is gone...