1996 | Y.Jw

| 20 |

I sat on the bed Jungwon and I had shared for the past few days, watching as he shoved a few things into a the same bag he had used for school. I didn't say a word I just silently watched him as he once in a while glance over at me with a small smile.

"And you're sure you'll be fine without me around every minute of every day?" he questioned and I quietly nodded, "I'm serious Jiyeon."

"So am I," I assured him quietly.

"But," he stated and I nodded at him, "what is it?"

"I uhm... I can tell you anything, right?" I questioned and he quietly nodded in assurance, "as in anything?"

"I am all ears for you," he hummed in assurance, "tell me anything you'd like."

"I am not scared because you are moving out  and I won't see you and all," I admitted and he hummed quietly, "but... I am scared of myself," I admitted.

Quickly Jungwon had moved over and sat on the floor, planting his elbow on the bed and his chin in the palm of his hand. Giving me his undivided attention. A frown slowly etching into his features as he looked at me.

"Why are you scared of yourself?" he questioned quietly.

"I can't control my skills," I whispered quietly as I tried to look down, but the eye contact he had made with me seemed to keep me in an iron grip. I couldn't look away, "what if one day the bracelet stops working and I can't control. Like I get nercous in the same way I did at the lab?"

"Ji..." he softly smoke as I hummed, it was only now that I realized how wide my eyes had went. I either looked panicked or insane, "the bracelet won't break. You need to have trust in yourself and that bracelet... and if you can't have that you need to trust the ones around you. You know you can trust me, Emiko, Lin, Sunoo and Riki. With time you can trust Sunghoon at least as much. You are capable of controlling your skills, but when you get nervous you doubt your ability to do just that."

"What if I hurt someone?" I whispered, "what if I hurt you, or any of the others?"

"You won't do that," he shook his head quietly.

"How do you know?" I retorted sharply, making him just raise his eyebrows, "sorry."

"No," he shook his head calmly, "I don't know for sure you won't hurt us. But I trust you enough to know you won't," he softly murmured, "why is this getting triggered by me moving out?"

"Because for the first time I'll live without any of you guys," I whispered quietly, "what if I go insane now?"

"I think that happened a long time ago," he commented with a small laugh, making me roll my eyes, "no, but you need to trust yourself some more. I'll tell Sunghoon about this before I go, so I know he will look after you."

"No, they don't want to be part of that thing," I sighed and rubbed my face, "they've clearly taken distance from it. They don't understand Jungwon."

"If they wanted to take distance from it, they wouldn't have helped us," Jungwon shook his head, "they want to understand, so I think you should let him try to. I'll tell him, whether or not you like it. You need to let them help us."

"But I am so scared, Jungwon," I whispered making him smile softly at me, "every night we've fallen asleep I'm scared my skills will flare out because of my nightmares and I'll accidentally hurt you."

"But you don't have to worry about that anymore," he reminded and I simply sighed, "I get that you're scared Jiyeon. But you need to trust these people. Did your skills flare out at the lab?"

"No, bu-" I started and he immediately cut me off.

"Then they won't do so here either," he softly reminded.

"But you guys don't get it!" I exclaimed at him.

"What is it that we don't get?" he raised his voice slightly, not in a scolding tone but more to fit the volume I had gone to, "don't you think we worry about using our skills too?"

"No! You don't get it because your skills can't seriously harm other people the same way mine can!" I exclaimed at him, "the one who is closest to do so is Sunoo, and even then it is dependent on the words leaving his mouth and not his brain activity going berserk!"

"Jiye-" Jungwon started but I immediately cut him off.

"They raised me as a killing machine in there, and it is first now that I feel the consequences of it, because they never taught me how to control my skills properly," I cried out to him, feeling the tears threaten in my eyes, "and ever since we escaped I've been so scared that at any point something goes just one bit wrong and throws me off track, so that I end up hurting everyone around!"

"You're not a killing machine," he softly spoke and I just arched a brow at him, "you are not."

"Then why else would they do what they did to me in the trials?" I hissed making him sigh.

"I don't know what they completely did to you in the trials Ji, but the day you're ready to tell me I'll be there to listen. Alright?" he questioned and I hesitantly nodded, "what I need you to understand is that just because they intended for you to be a killing machine, does not mean you are one. It is up to you to define whether or not you want to fulfill what they intended for you, and what I am seeing right now is someone who wants to do anything to not be what they wanted. Am I right?"

"Mhm..." I hummed quietly and slumped back against the wall the bed stood against.

"Then instead of worrying about killing people, I think you should worry about what you're going to wear to school for tomorrow. Because you better look just as cute and adorable as you did today," Jungwon decided making a small smile spread on my face, "I'm serious Ji... don't think for one second that whatever happened at the lab determines who you are for the rest of your life. You hear me?"

"I hear you," I hummed with a small nod, "you'll still visit, right?"

"Of course," he softly hummed, "I'm supposed to have my first kiss in this room, am I not?"

"You're not holding me up to your visions, are you?" I let out a small laugh and he simply shrugged, "I'm sure Tiffany wouldn't mind if you held her up to them."

"I'd rather kiss a rat," he shook his head in denial before slowly getting up from the floor and dusting his pants off before looking to me, "and you will be alright?"

"As long as I see you more than just in school," I hummed and drew along the pattern on the duvet cover.

"Trust yourself some more, alright?" he questioned and I nodded quietly as he wandered back to the bed with his bag slung over his shoulders, "and hey... try and enjoy your life as a normal girl, alright?"

"Mhm," I hummed quietly, "Millie and Soomin promised they would take us girls out with Kumiko and Xia... I don't know what they meant. But I'm kind of excited I suppose..."

"I'm sure you'll have fun," he assured softly, "but there might be a lot of people, so be ware, alright?"

"I think it's getting better lately," I admitted and scratched the side of my nose, "just today... I felt a lot better when we went home from school than when we started in the morning."

"Alright..." he sighed softly, "I'll see you tomorrow then," he smiled softly before giving me a small wave and exiting the room.