passive possessive (part 2)

Chapter 199

It's the third and final day.

Goshiki is at a dead end. The half-healed, incomplete bond on his neck has run him out of options. He has to appease Kisho or die fighting against him. Or kill him.

After his rage settled the other day, he realized how absurd his plan to kill him is. There's no way he'll be able to pull off that sort of gutsy, heartless act. No matter how much he wants him dead he can't imagine himself killing Kisho. In reality, he just wants the alpha to disappear. Somehow. Get struck dead by lighting, fall off a cliff, drown in a river, or some other obscure death that takes care of the problem.

Goshiki knows he's a wimp about it. So much is at stake and it should make it easy to drive a knife right through the alpha's heart. It's anything but easy.

He isn't sure if he should even try to kill Kisho. It might backfire and get him hurt or killed or put someone else he cares about in harms way. He's been on the receiving end of Kisho's physical abuse for so long, he's seen the alpha's quick reflexes, strength, and thinking capabilities. He's doesn't stand a chance.

Tonight he has to meet Kisho at the motel room. He needs to make up his mind of what to do before then. Hours have passed since he began worrying about tonight. He hasn't sat for five seconds at a time after pacing the whole apartment. Hands fidgeting constantly, jumping at every little noise, muttering to himself like someone will answer. His orange scent is fiercely unpleasant and stinging his nose and eyes, so much so it's surprising the neighbors haven't caught on and checked on him.

The last three days he called in sick to work. Something he felt guilty about because his boss is too nice and said it was fine even though he needs the extra help. The time he took off let him think and worry himself to an exhausted, starving ball of nerves.

The only good thing that's come from panicking the last three days is how he's clung to Sanae, and her to him. When she's not at school, the two of them will sit together and he'll hold her. But it's a double edged sword. He's either spending his last few days with her or he's about to screw up her life even more.

Sanae hasn't spoken about Kisho. None of her usual pressing questions or insightful comments. She just stays by his side and they mindlessly watch tv or make dinner, mostly for Sanae because Goshiki picks at his food. He keeps catching her eye and feeling a part of himself fade. Her eyes easily show how scared she is of Kisho and how worried she is for her papa. She picked up the habit of constantly looking at the front door, anticipating it to swing open to reveal Kisho. It's Goshiki's habit he inflicted on her.

Goshiki can't plaster on a smile and act like everything is okay either. Sanae doesn't make him, she knows they're in trouble and something bad is going to happen. Which makes it all the more unfair he can't bring himself to fake happiness for her. He can't assure her everything will be okay and the fear of losing her is driving him up the wall.

Fear. Fear that Kisho will threaten him enough, he'll lose his nerve, and give in to the bond. Fear that if Kisho cements a bond with him, Sanae will be exposed to the awful abuse he knows all too well. A bond between them will cause Goshiki more pain and torture.

The omega ran his hands over his face and paced to the bedroom. He opened the closet and reached for the top shelf, rummaging through a few blankets. A gun lay between the fabric, taunting him. He grabbed the handle, cold metal heavy in his hand.

He could get his life back with it. Or he could get a moment of reprieve before it all comes tumbling down again. If he is able to kill Kisho, there's no way he'd get away with it.

On the brave chance he's able to fight the alpha— No, if he fucks up Kisho will kill him instead. Then who knows what will happen to Sanae after that. He can't say goodbye to her, or Kogane, or anyone else without looking suspicious.