earned it [h.s.]

27.

Harry.

"No."

I sat on Jeff's couch, staring at my lap in shame as he sat next to me with his hands in his hair, "No, no, no, no, no."

"Harry..." Mitch sighed, having the same position as Jeff opposite him. His long hair was in a little bun at the base of his neck but he still looked like he wanted to pull every lock of it out of his head after what I had just confessed to my friends.

"Noooo." Jeff continued groaning, "No, no, no."

"We told you to sleep with her. Not to fall in love with her." Mitch cringed.

I dropped my head back against the couch with a grunt, "Fuck, I know. And I'm not in love with her, it just... slipped out. It was the moment."

"Also, I had no idea you two were going to fuck that night? Holy shit." Mitch added. I blushed a little at the thought of how intimate and sensual I had gotten with Genevieve. I had never felt like that before. Fucking her against that door was just primal and feral and needy and desperate. Every aspect of it.

Not taking the time to get her to a bed, not taking the time to get her clothes off, not taking the time for foreplay, not taking the time for protection. We just couldn't wait and I felt like I could die every second I wasn't inside of her. I had never felt a need that strong that it felt like I could cry from relief when I pushed in.

And then being inside of her was just... so fucking amazing. Like being surrounded by sun, which was kind of how it usually felt to be around her anyway, but just amplified by a thousand.

I nibbled on my lip, "I fucked up."

Jeff finally lifted his head, "You're such an idiot."

"I know."

"You literally.... You told her you loved her?!" Jeff exclaimed.

I closed my eyes with a deep sigh, "I-It was the moment. She must've known I didn't mean it, right? I was fucking having an orgasm! I hardly remember it!"

"But you do remember it." Mitch retorted and I rolled my eyes, "Of course I remember it. Every second from that night is engraved in my brain forever. It was the best night of my life."

Jeff seemed hurt at that, scoffing at me, "I'll pretend I didn't hear that after all the legendary nights we've spent together, best friend."

"Yeah, also never say that to Blair." Mitch mumbled, "Seeing as you're married to her and have spent countless nights together."

I palmed my face, "Fuck, what do I do?"

"It's so typical of you.... You sleep with someone else for one night and you manage to just completely fuck it up. Only you could do that." Jeff near chuckled and I stomped his shoulder, "Not helping, you prick."

"Look," Mitch spoke, leaning back in the chair, "you just have to talk to her. Make sure she understands it's not like that."

"Have you spoken to her since?" Jeff asked and I shrugged, "Kind of."

I wasn't sure if I had to count my talk with Genevieve on the phone two days ago, as a conversation. How much of a conversation was it when she was in denial about what happened that day and continued lying about it, and when she was drunk and high and crying and begging me to talk her to sleep. She hardly spoke thee words on the phone, I was just rambling on about fucking polar bears while she was... hurting.

And I felt powerless, not being able to do anything about it. Any other night, I would've just gone up to her apartment to check up on her and make sure she was safe. Make sure she wasn't hurt, or hurting herself, or choking on her own vomit during the night. But Blair had just returned from Ireland and we'd had dinner together and then I already snuck off to watch that documentary in the lounge room – much to Blair's dismay because she found them so boring.