Chapter 17: No One To Hold Me

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"Well Fiore, do you think—"

"So you were seeing someone?"

Klaus laughed in discomfort but still nodded his head in response. "Yes."

"Did you love them?"

"...Yes."

"Hm."

"Jealous?"

"No." I replied curtly. "Just curious. You've never been in love with anyone else before."

"You've never erased yourself from existence before." He countered.

"You said you didn't forget me."

"I didn't." He insisted. "I told our daughter stories of our love, fragmented memories seeped through, I dreamt of you every night. And I wanted to wake up and find you there but instead—"

"But instead, you were waking up next to someone else." I interrupted.

"You don't get to be angry about that, Fiore." He reminded me.

"Who says I'm angry?" I asked as I downed my drink. "I'm just wondering why you're here. Why aren't you spending time with the new love of your life."

"You want to know why I'm here?" He asked as he cupped my cheek in his palm and forced me to look him in his lovesick eyes. "Because any love I have for anyone else dwindles in comparison to the love I have for you. I will never feel this with anyone else. You are my beginning, my middle and end. I don't want to be with anyone but you—I am yours Fiore. Forever and always, always and forever."

With every word, the dark cage wrapped around my heart cracked open until I was ready to pour out my own truth. Even though I knew it wouldn't lead to anything good.

"It wasn't easy for me either, you know?" I confessed. "It was hard enough not knowing how long I would be gone for, but I knew I could come back and you could have built a life without me in it. You could finally be free and I had never felt more trapped. Everything and everyone I had ever known were gone and I had to dedicate myself to cause I felt nothing for. Eventually the numbing hollow feeling started to feel good. Because I always felt miserable, feeling nothing was a welcome reprieve. I didn't have to think about how much I missed you, wonder what you were doing everyday and who you were doing it with. I didn't have to think about all the moments and milestones of Grace's life that I was missing out on. Even Anastasia's constant belittling of me started to feel like white noise. But every now and then, something would slip through. And I would feel again, and I'd remember what it felt like to love you. And everyday felt like a death until eventually the numbing feeling returned. And so I would work even harder to make sure it stayed."

"Fiore, what did she do to you?" Nik's eyes were so full of concern for me that I could have burst into tears from that alone. But I couldn't give him another reason to try and rescue me.

"Didn't you want to dance?"

He seemed startled by my abrupt subject change, but I was already on my feet and heading towards the dancefloor. He warily joined my side and I took his hand and began a slow sway to the song in silence. We stayed like for a few songs when Nik chuckled beside my ear.

A/N: The song playing here is Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks by The National

"You used to love this song." He remarked.

"I did." I said with a half-hearted smile. "I didn't even recognise it."

"I never understood why you liked it so much before." He murmured sadly. "But I think I do now...it's about me."

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