Natasha Romanoff x Daughter One Shots

i'm proud of you

age: 18
warnings: intrusive thoughts, depression

Y/N:
Sometimes I feel like I have nobody to talk to.

I feel stupid for being sad because I have the kind of life people dream of. I mean, I live with the Avengers for gods sakes. I have an amazing job and I'm so grateful for everything.

But, the truth is, I barely know who I am. I don't know how to be 'me' because I don't know myself.

I don't really think I've ever had the chance to figure it out I guess.

My parents were hydra agents and from the moment I was born, my life was never going to be normal. Even though I dreamed it would be.
I spent most of my life between Sokovia and Russia. My parents never really cared all that much about me. I mean sure, they fed me and gave me a place to sleep, but I never was able to talk to them about anything.
My opinion never mattered to them. I never got a say in what I wanted to do with me life.

I never had the time to find out what I enjoy because anything I had the slightest passion towards, quickly became something I hated because of my parents.

So I guess really, I just learnt to figure things out on my own and never ask for help. That worked for a really long time.

But if I'm being completely honest, I don't think I have any strength left in me to be there for myself. I need help. I just don't know who to ask.

Over the last few months, everything down to the most simple mundane everyday tasks has been so much harder than it should be.

I feel so exhausted all the time. So anxious, all the time. And no matter how hard I've tried, I can't stop feeling sad.

I spend most of my time trying not to cry and trying to hold myself together. But everyday it gets harder.

It's like everytime I think I'm getting better, it always ends up worse than it did to begin with.

As someone who learnt to be alone from a very young age, I usually prefer to be alone. Sometimes though, I wish I could have someone that I could trust. Someone I could let my guard down with and be completely vulnerable.
I'm just so scared of getting hurt.

It's only been three months since I moved into the compound and became an avenger. When my parents died, s.h.i.e.l.d found out about me and my powers and very quickly tracked me down and after a hell of a lot of questioning, offered me a place on the team.

I had nowhere to go so I figured, why not?

The only thing is, I hate meeting new people. I actually hate it.
Every person I ever met in my life hurt me, whether that was emotionally or physically, and I was so scared it would happen all over again.

The Avengers though were completely different to anyone I'd ever met.

The team is basically one big makeshift family full of orphans and stupidly smart people.

I've never got particularly close to anyone. Whenever I'm not working or training, I'm in my room so it's kind of my own fault. I don't really make an effort to socialise. But truthfully it's because I don't know how. I don't make conversation with anyone, unless someone else initiates it.

Out of everyone, I've probably spoken to Natasha the most. She's always been really nice to me and always asks how I'm doing. Last week she even took me out for coffee and I felt strangely comfortable with her.

I trust her more than I've trusted anyone else before, but I'm still so afraid that she's going to hurt me in some way.

However, my mind is constantly driving me crazy to the point where I spend at least a few nights a week with my head over the toilet because it made me sick. I'm so scared to ask, but I know I need help.

I picked up my phone brought up Natasha's name in messages.

Me: Can I talk to you?

I stared at my phone for a good five minutes debating whether or not I should send it before deciding I should.

"Damn it," I groan to myself. Immediately regretting my decision.

The three dots in the corner of my screen and I start panicking. She's already seen it.

Me: Actually never mind.

I send before she can even answer. The dots disappear and I sigh in relief, thinking that she will drop it. I throw my phone to the end of the my bed and shove my face into my pillows with a groan. Not even a minute later a message comes through on my phone.

Natasha: Of course. I'll be up in a couple minutes :)

"Damn it," I mumble to myself. I know that there's no way I'm going to get out of it now.

For the next few minutes, I anxiously scroll through Instagram as I waited for Natasha to come up.

"Y/N, it's Nat," She knocked on my door. "Come in," I say.

Natasha walked in with a small smile and closed the door behind her. "What's up?" She questions, sitting at the end of my bed. I just shrugged my shoulders in response, not really knowing how to start.

"You can talk to me, sweetheart. I promise I'm not going to judge," She assures me softly.

I don't know why but hearing her say that immediately made me start crying. "Oh honey, come here," She coos, opening her arms up to me. I wipe my tears away and shuffle over to her, burying my head into the crook of her neck.

Natasha whispered sweet nothings to me and held me closely as I sobbed. It took me at least twenty minutes to stop crying before I could even start to talk and when I did, it's almost like I had no control over what I was saying and I literally told her everything whilst she continued to hold me as she listened.

Never in my life have I opened up that much to anyone.

I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off me and Natasha hasn't even said anything yet.

"Sweetheart, I'm so proud of you. I know opening up like that isn't easy," She starts. "I want you to know, that it does get easier. You won't always feel like this, and I'm here for you every single step of the way, okay?" She assures me and I nod.

"You're only eighteen and you have so much of your life ahead of you still, so please don't give up. You haven't met all the people who are you to love you and there are so many amazing things you will experience.
If you need, I can speak to Fury for you and you can have some time off work, however long you need and you can take time for yourself?" She offers. "Yes, please," I speak quietly.

"Okay," She smiles gently. "And if you decide that you don't want to be an Avenger, that is completely okay. I really hope you stay though because you are fucking amazing," She chuckles, tickling my stomach. I start laughing and trying to move away.

Eventually she stops after I literally begged her and she pulled me back into a hug. "In all honestly though Y/N/N, you can do whatever you want with your life and nobody gets to tell you otherwise," She tells me sternly and I nod with a small smile.

"I love you sweetheart," She kisses my forehead.

I don't remember the last time someone said that to me.

"I love you too, Nat," I cuddle into her more.

___________
A/N: I feel like macarons...
also this was kinda like a brain dump and I'm very tired so yeahhh sorry if it's bad :)