A Broken Heart (KimChay fanfic)

Chapter 1 - Sweet little Porchay

I looked at my cell phone once again. After the song, the only thing he said was "This is for Porchay". I didn't know what to do or think, and at the same time I started to realise all the dumb things I had done these past months.

I gave up college because of him, I painted my hair, I started drinking and I almost used drugs. I didn't know what went through my head. How could I change so much in just a few months? How could I change so much because of him? I feel so lost right now.

I replay the video even though I know that is just going to make me even more sad, but at the same time, while I'm listening to his angelic voice, I remember the time we spent together. The day he took me to a painting café and we painted canvas together; the day he took me to the cinema; the nights he spent with me listening more than talking, and then he would end up letting me sleep in his chest while his arms were around me.

And then I found out it was all a lie. I couldn't believe it at first, and I didn't understand it either. Why would he do that? Why would he just play with my feelings like that? It actually took me some time to really decipher his attitude, and my conclusion was that by living in a family like this one, he is completely traumatised, and he can't understand people other than through logic.

After that, I made a decision. I made myself promise that I would not suffer for him anymore. That he had done enough damage to my life and I'm better off without him, but here I am again, crying on the floor for him. I do that for a couple more minutes before I get up and try to get a hold of my life again.

I needed to do something about university I wanted my place there. I'm good with music, and it is what I imagined myself doing for these past years, and I couldn't let him take that away for me. The truth is, I didn't know what else I would do besides this, and even if music was painful now, I would heal and enjoy it once again someday.

The only problem is I missed my audition day, and I can't tell that to Hia because he took me there himself, and I also don't want him knowing about me and P'Kim. P'Tankhun wouldn't be able to keep the secret if he knew, so that leaves the only person who probably knows something and can help me: P'Kinn.

I find my way to his office and make sure P'Porshe is not there so that I can ask for help.

"Come in," P'Kinn says after a knock on the door. Chay," he says, my name surprised "How may I help you?"

"P'Kinn, I need to ask you a favour." I reluctantly say

"This is about university, isn't it?" he asks, and I look at him confused. "Kim said you would be coming to talk to me about that sooner or later."

He looks at me with a little bit of pity in his eyes, and it was because of looks like that that I didn't tell anyone about me and P'Kim. All they would think was, "Poor little Porchay, he got himself involved with the worst of the brothers, he really thought a manipulative and narcissistic person like Khun Kim would fall in love with him." Everyone would pity me, and I hate that.

"Can you help me, P'Kinn?" I asked, already knowing the answer would be yes.

"Kim took care of finding a new date for your audition." He says as he gives me the audition papers. I look at him reluctantly, and he notices it. "Chay, just take the papers and go to the audition. You know that all your brother wants is for you to go to university to have a better life. All he has done is work towards that goal, but this is something you need to do, not him. So, just take the papers and don't think about it too much, and especially don't do something you will regret just because Kim is a pain in the ass."

I knew he was right, so I took the papers and thanked him. I was on my way to my room when I realised that my audition was in two days and I didn't even know what song I was going to play. It was supposed to be "This song is called you" but I don't know if I can play that song without crying as it was the song I wrote for P'Kim. The only problem was that I needed to sing an original song, and that was my only one, so I should just start practising and don't think about it too much.