A Broken Heart (KimChay fanfic)

Chapter 11 - Silent talk

Someone normal, I laugh at the thought. Just someone who loves me is good enough, but maybe love is a privilege I don't get to have. I grab my guitar, the one P'Kim gave me, and I start to play some accords, just what sounds good as I think of these past events. I can't avoid seeing P'Kim's face. He was almost crying yesterday, and I think after my talk with P'Porche I understand that there is something more. What I don't understand is why he doesn't trust me enough to tell me everything. I'm still judging him, regardless of the reason. He had a choice, he could have talked to me and explained everything, but he decided to do everything on his own, so now he has to deal with the consequences.

As for Matteo, it is what I told Hia, I would really like if he was different, but he probably isn't. At least he brings good desserts. I'm honestly curious about him, he is from another country, and he is the leader of another mafia, which also scares me. I don't know what will happen with him or even if something will happen, but this leaves me very uneasy.

I hear someone nocking at the door, taking me out of my head and the music that I was playing but not listening. I could have just created a masterpiece, and I wouldn't know the first note.

"Come in," I say, and see P'Tay entering the room

"How are you, Chay?" he says softly.

"I'm good, it wasn't as catastrophic as I expected it to be." I say, trying to put things on the bright side

"Your eyes look pretty bad. You cried so much, I thought you would be dehydrated. I'm sorry I missed our appointment this morning. I thought you would sleep in and rest."

"I woke up on my own and went to the shooting room. I gave my gun back to P'Porche yesterday. I feel like I still need to grow a little more before I can have it back. I need him to trust me again, and that won't be easy."

"Porche loves you, he is your big brother, but he also has a maternal instinct towards you. He has been through a lot and doesn't want you to make the same mistakes he did."

"I understand, I do, and I respect P'Porche and value his opinion a lot. I just wanted him to see me as someone strong that he could trust with his life if he needed to." P'Tay smiled softly upon hearing me say this

"I think he trusts you, he is just used to you being innocent and nothing more. You can be a little sassy sometimes, but that is a side you don't show your brother. You and Kim, you and Matteo, it was all a surprise for him. He is just processing everything. He knows you, and he is starting to know this world too. When he sees it's the right time, he will give you your gun back."

"I hope you are right." I say, and then there is a moment of silence until I encourage myself to ask him about boys. "P'Tay, what should I do about Matteo? He says he is interested in me, but I think that won't do any good."

"Well, there is not much you can do, guys like him don't like to hear "no" for an answer and can be very persuasive. But this is all very strange, the one time we went out, you met a mafia leader. These things don't happen just by chance, and this doesn't smell good."

"I think this is strange too, and P'Porche already warned me to be careful and don't trick myself into thinking he is going to be different from P'Kim."

"Porche is right, but in addition to being careful, you also need to be a good actor. You can't let him know that you suspect something, even though we all do. Go back to your innocent boy days with him..."

"Not that I've ever left those days, P' " I say interrupting him

"Though you did, you may not see it, but you are starting to think more, to not just see what is right in front of your eyes, and that is a good thing. You just need to be careful next time and don't get yourself involved with another mafia." He says, with a smile, trying to comfort me about this situation.