ethereal : it oneshots

survived by none (except you)

pairing: stenbrough

i've never felt more like a child than right now. i feel twelve again. i haven't felt this way since georgie died. i guess it's fitting, but i loved georgie more than anything. i didn't love stanley the same. i couldn't.

when i got the call from beverly, i think she thought i was in shock. i didn't really respond very emotionally. i cared about stanley, but not nearly the way he cared about me.

i told her i'd be back in about two days. 

to tell you the truth, i could fly back to derry in about five hours if i wanted to. but i don't want to fly. i could afford it, don't get me wrong, but it doesn't feel right. 

so instead, i'm on a bus and it's about nine pm, and i feel horrible. i've already been seeing posts about stanley on every social media i check. they're all waiting for me to post, i'm sure, but i can't. 

it's so dark outside, and there's a nice girl on the seat next to me. 

i know what theyre saying, i don't even have to check. i know they're saying he died too young, and that he didn't deserve this. 

i stopped into a fast food place to steal a newspaper to find the obituary. i found it upsettingly easily. 

stanley uris, aged twenty one, died tragically in an unfortunate driving accident. he was a clever student and kind boy, and will be missed. he is survived by-

georgie denbrough is survived by his older brother, william denbrough, and his parents, zach and sharon denbrough.

-no one.

he was only twenty one, and he already had nobody left in his family alive. how fucked up is that? that uris branch ends there. who wrote the obituary? richie, probably. i can't imagine him writing something so tame. then again, i guess stanley is dead.

the worst part is i know what will happen. they'll all look at me like i'm mourning the love of my life. that i'm secretly devastated inside and putting on an act to seem disconnected. 

i can't explain it. i love stanley, i guess, loved stanley. but not in the way they think i did. i loved stanley as much as i possibly could, i'm just not sure that's all that much. i can't love him, if he had got too close, his death would have killed me. 

i wouldn't be on this bus. 

but stanley loved me. considering that his life is now over, there's a very solid chance i might have been the love of his life. but only he knew the truth that i didn't love him the way he wanted. 

when he told me he loved me, i'd explained that i can't really love. not since georgie, and i was so little i don't think it will ever get better. and he understood. stanley always understood. and we made an agreement.

he went to the grave with that agreement. 

stanley would tell you that i did love him. he would tell you that i just love differently than everyone else because i'm afraid of losing people. you can guess where he got that idea from. and he's right, of course, to a degree. i didn't want to lose him. 

and i did. so i guess i was right not to love him. 

i sorta wish i had.