ethereal : it oneshots

love sees fine

pairing: stozier

an uncomfortably short duet to love is blind

hey cupid, next time? hit us both.

pierce my fucking skin with your arrow, because i needed to love him. i will never forgive myself for hurting him. i can blame it on cupid missing me by an arm hair, but when it all comes down to it, i fucked up. i dated him, knowing, knowing that it would hurt so bad in the long term. i fucked him over so badly, and i can't apologize because i hold too much shame in my heart. i don't think i'm over him, i can't possibly be, because i think about him every goddamn day. everything i do traces back to stanley uris. all of my non-existent heart belongs to stanley uris.

i wish i never kissed him. but god, it felt good. it felt so good to grip his hips and kiss him like the world was ending tomorrow. kiss him like the two messy teenagers we were. once, we were waiting for his mom to come pick him up, and as she drove by i quickly placed a kiss on his lips before he left. he blushed bright red. i miss making him blush bright red. i wish i had a second chance to make it better, to kiss him better until he forgets everything i ever did. to hold him in my arms and mutter sorry over and over again.

i know that's not happening, i'm not that stupid. but i wish i didn't have to think of him in everything. think of how pretty he was and how i'll never get to see him smile at my dumb jokes ever again. i ruined that. i ruin everything. fuck. and i know he's going to be okay. i can still see the smallest sparkle in his eyes, granted he doesn't notice me in the hall.

if he does notice me, he avoids me like the plague. i don't blame him. i would too.

i needed to love him so bad but you wouldn't let me. you wouldn't let me feel something real. i care about him, i care about him so much, but it's never going to be in the way i wish it was. i'm still not over him, except i am. i'm over him, but i won't ever be over the idea of him. 

i want to tell him sorry. i want to tell him i'm forever sorry. i want him to tell me every angry and sad thought he's wanted to scream at me in the last couple months. i wish he didn't love me.

i wish he had never loved me.

"love is blind" 

absolutely not, love sees fine. just apparently not good enough to hit me with a fucking arrow.